Episode 2 - The Absurdity of the Bachelor

I think every post should begin with the monkey photo-bombing Sean's make-out session.  It's this season's Bachelor logo.  Way better than some montage of roses or this terribly queer photo of Sean.  Man, that's a lame picture.  We're going with the monkey!

Last Sunday I arrived in Dallas, Texas to seek out the Sean, and hopefully get an interview with him for the blog.  Just kidding.  I am in Dallas, but I'm here to attend some work training.  When I say some, I mean a ton.  They've got us here until the 25th of January, which is a really long time.  Thirteen days to be exact.  However, when you're at a place as nice as this (the video doesn't do it justice), you can't complain too much.  Since I've been here I've gone dancing almost every night, solo-karaoked for the first time and raced armadillos (weird, right?).  I bring my stay in Dallas up to apologize for the delay in posting.  We don't have a lot of free time here.  That being said, I'll jump right in with some quick notes from episode two:

1. The Helicopter

Will there ever come a time when the girls don't get totally and inexplicably giddy when they see the Bachelor coming to pick up someone in a helicopter?  "Are you kidding me?  Shut up!  Oh my gosh!"  Have they never seen this stupid show?  Kacie, with complete and utter awe in her voice, said: "Oh my gosh, Sean is picking her up in a helicopter.  Not a car, not any normal mode of transportation ... a helicopter."  She was on the show! She really can't remember the numerous times she rode in the whirlybird with Ben?

2. The Absurdity of the "Height" Date  

Here we have one of the standard (usually early in the show) Bachelor dates.  The one where the Bachelor takes his "unsuspecting" date in a helicopter to a tall location, where she nervously asks what they could possibly be doing at such an altitude.  The Bachelor then explains that yes (cue foreboding music), they will be making their way down there with some sort of apparatus tied to their bodies.  The potential soul mate then cannot believe that they would do such a thing.  Then we are treated to phrases like these, heard last night:

"[Insert Bachelor name] knows I can do it, and he's gonna be here to do it with me."

"As long as he's, like, holding me next to him and we're going to take this plunge together, I'll do it."

 "We're in this together.  My heart is racing a mile a minute, and the only thing keeping me calm is [insert Bachelor name]."

Finally, as the now-bonded couple floats gently to the ground, we hear stuff like this, also from last night:

"Yes, we really just [insert activity here].  It was such a sense of relief and also a sense of accomplishment.  We did this.  We did it together."

"The way [she] handled it, [she's] up for anything. ... It was a nice bonding experience.  I feel closer to [insert potential lover name]."

"There's nothing I'm scared of.  The only thing in the world I could have ever thought I'd be scared of - [insert activity here].  And I did it with [insert Bachelor name]." 

They were only able to accomplish such a feat with each other's support, and because they did, they are now close and probably in love.  Nothing makes me cringe like the dialogue during the "Height" Date.

3. Love vs. Infatuation

Since this season has started, I've had to explain to numerous people the reasons I watch and write about the Bachelor.  I won't take the time here to enumerate those reasons.  Instead, I will explain and clarify one reason I do not watch.  I do not watch because I believe in the process the contestants go through in order to, as the show so often puts it, "find love."  There might be some people who believe us Bachelor faithful actually have faith that true love really is the end result of each season.  But no.

What the contestants go through on this show is most definitely not love, but infatuation.  Take sweet little Sarah for example.  Sarah's dealings with Sean have consisted of a) a small conversation at the opening cocktail party and b) a single date.  After the date she said the following: "I feel like I'm falling in love with Sean." No you're not.  You are infatuated with Sean.  You like him.  You want to get to know him more.  I can assure you that you are not falling in love with him.  Not yet, and probably not ever while your relationship is still being televised for all to see.  I've always wondered how many of the contestants sign up truly believing that, if they won, the resulting relationship would be a healthy one based on real love.  They can't all be that naive, can they?

I believe that love takes a lot more than three months of polygamous dating, and is much, much deeper than anything reality TV contestants experience.  I obviously haven't experienced it, making me no authority on the subject, but I can write whatever I dang well please here, so I will.  I'll give two reasons why Bachelor-produced love doesn't work.

First.  Two people cannot truly love each other unless they are totally committed to each other.  Real commitment cannot result from this show considering the Bachelor is dating twenty women at once, giving a piece of his heart here and another piece there.  You know when the parents of the contestants are concerned about the Bachelor dating so many other woman?  Well, they have a right to be concerned!  They understand what I believe: that dating that many woman messes the Bachelor up for a while.  He gets so used to that style of dating and having that kind of attention that when the time comes for him to settle down with the one he "loves", he's unable to do it for more than a few months.  The irony of the show is that while its "goal" is to finally let this poor, unlucky-at-relationships guy find true love, it actually ruins his ability to love and commit himself to one person.

The second reason has to do with reality vs. life on the Bachelor.  The Bachelor's relationships with the woman do not resemble reality in any way, shape, or form.  They live an insane lifestyle for three months, traveling to exotic places and doing crazy, exciting things.  They don't experience the vicissitudes of day-to-day living. Everything is, no pun intended, roses.  Not being able to interact with the Bachelor in a real world setting, the ladies see the Bachelor only as the perfect man.  In Sean's case, all they see is someone who is nice, family-oriented, sincere, sweet, etc.  In their eyes, he has no flaws.  Then the show ends, and the Bachelor chooses his girl and they go off to live in a world they haven't been prepared for.  Time passes, the winner sees flaws she never saw before, and real life happens.  They have to deal with work, time commitments and everything else that normal people experience.  The relationship falls apart, and another Bachelor-produced couple falls by the wayside.

I know I said two reasons, but let me bring up a third point.  The commitment that accompanies winning this show and the relationship that the winners arrive at don't match up.  The commitment is that they'll head toward marriage.  The relationship they have is no stronger than any two- or three-week relationship in the real world. What happens at the end of the Bachelor is like taking two people who have been dating for three weeks, telling them they're going to get married, and then tracking their every move after that.  Sound like a recipe for success?  I didn't think so.  Before a couple can take that kind of pressure upon deciding to get married, they better have reached a deeper love - one built on commitment and time spent together.  They better have reached a point where they can see flaws and love one another despite them, and, in the words of C.S. Lewis, "have love for each other even at those moments when they do not like each other."  

4. Fantasy Bachelor Teams Announced

This now sits at my cube at work.

The teams don't have names yet, but they have been chosen.

Team 1 (Lindsay Queyrel): Tierra, Selma, Lesley, Robyn
Team 2 (Derek Welling): AshLee, Lindsay, Kristy, Jackie
Team 3 (Colleen Johnson): Desiree, Taryn, Diana, Katie
Team 4 (Craig Swindlehurst): Kacie, Sarah, Catherine, Amanda
Undrafted Free Agents: Leslie, Brooke, Daniella

The teams were chosen after the first episode, and I'll be honest, I don't love my team.  I won't get into which team I think will win.  Not in this post.  The next section will give you an idea of which team I think is best.

Power Rankings

No blog post is complete without the Power Rankings.  Here we go.

1. Desiree ( - ).  How is Desiree not the front-runner?  My knock on her (or my knock on the producers) is that there's no way she didn't know the falling vase was coming.  She must of known because her reaction was too calm for that situation, and I think I even caught her looking at the camera.  That's my only complaint.  That being said, can someone tell me the last time the early front-runner ended up winning the show?  The only one I can think of is maybe J.P., and I'm not even sure he was the early front-runner.  The rest (Arie, Kacie B., Chantal) all lost.  So while she might be "winning" now, I don't think she'll be the last one standing.

2. Lesley (+8).  Sean really likes Lesley, and with reason.  I'm surprised she slipped past me.  After last episode, she's right there with Desiree.  That makes my two original picks for dark horses the two front-runners.  Interesting.

3. Kacie (-1).  I'm starting to get mixed feelings about Kacie.  I think she's a little smug - does anyone else get the vibe that she thinks she's a lot cooler than everyone else?  Plus when she laughs she cackles - go back and watch last episode.  She's like a hyena.  Also, when she got the rose on the group date she stated that all she wanted was "ten more."  She's actually counting down the roses.  Man, you are one pathetic loser.  Didn't like her this week.  

4. Sarah (-1).  Sarah gets the first one-on-one date, and consequently nabs the first real kiss of the show.  So props to her.  My one concern with Sarah is everything seems to be about the arm (or better said, the lack thereof).  She brings it up all the time, whether it's in interviews or with Sean.  Chances are it's the producers doing, but we need to hear less about it.  It's time to move on.  However, I'm still waiting for a really awkward moment to happen, like one of the following: a) Sean goes in for a double high five (oops), or b) he goes down too far as he's rubbing her arm, and slips off the end.

5. AshLee (+1).  Did you know there's a certification to become a professional organizer?  And that experienced organizers can charge well over $100 per hour?  In fact, I read that "it's not unheard of for a certified personal organizer to charge $1,500 per day of services."  $1,500 a day!?  Simple math tells me that five days a week for eight months gets you $240,000!!!!  Who has enough money to spend over $1,000 PER DAY for someone to organize their closets!?  And who's that stupid?

6. Taryn (-2).  I still don't understand why the producers aren't giving Taryn any airtime.  It's really starting to piss me off.  I don't want to move her any farther down.  

7. Robyn (-3).  I still like Robyn, just not as much as I did before.  It's surprising how much failed gymnastics moves will vault you in my rankings.  She goes one week without falling and I drop her three spots.  If she wants a spot in my top five, she's going to have to start tumbling across the rooms or cartwheeling down the stairs.

8. Jackie ( - ).  Jackie also gets screwed with the amount of airtime she gets.  So that's all I can write about her when I'd like to write much more.  Thanks producers, for screwing my blog up.

9. Lindsay (+5).  I'm high on Lindsay.  Forget my old predictions.  I am making Lindsay the official sleeper of this year's Bachelor.  No more changing dark horses this season.  This is the final decision.  It's Lindsay.

10. Catherine (+1).  "I'm vegan, but I love the beef!"  I felt that for that comment alone Catherine should move up at least one spot.  She hasn't been a relevant factor in this show yet, but I'm confident she will be.

11. Kristy (+8).  Kristy flies up the power rankings after a strong show.  Even the girls were describing her as "really, really hot."  I've begun to like her.  What was her problem again?  Maybe it's because she's a model, and models haven't been the best contestants in recent years (see Robertson, Courtney).

12. Selma (+4).  After hating on Selma in the season premiere, I actually really liked her this episode.  For some reason, she does kind of remind me of a Grandma  She has that kind of face.

The Tierra death glares.

13. Tierra ( - ).  Not much to say about Tierra except she is messed up and really, really mean.  There are at least five moments per show where she'll fix you with a death stare, and if I were one of the other girls, I'd be a little scared.  If I were Robyn, for example, I'd start locking my doors and I'd consider not bad-mouthing Tierra right in front of her. Hopefully Sean becomes aware of the insanity of this particular contestant. When will the Bachelors realize that the girl that none of the other girls like is trouble?  My theory is that when they hear the warnings from the other girls, they begin to like the villain even more.  They're drawn to the forbidden fruit.

14. Leslie (+1).  We all know it's only a matter of time.

The most deceiving profile picture of the season.

15. Daniella (+3).  See above.

16. Amanda (-4).  What is wrong with you!?  How did you go from the girl on the right to this sulking dimwit?  It doesn't make any sense!  Be normal! For the sake of my fantasy team be normal!!!

Goodbye to:

Katie.  That photo shoot date just wasn't for her.  And Sean didn't need much convincing when she told him she wanted to go.  "Well, let me walk you out then."

Brooke.  Purrrrrrr.....   

Diana.  Her single mom status didn't help with Sean, whose heart was recently broken by ..... a single mother.

Predictions

Last Week: 1-2
Season: 1-2

If Amanda hadn't received the final rose, I'd be sitting pretty at 2-1.  Instead, I'm 1-2 for the season (which doesn't include the first episode since I just thought of this).  I'm not sure how many girls will go home this next episode, so I'll be safe and choose four girls (in order) whose incredible journey of infatuation should end next Monday.  Amanda, Daniella, Leslie, and Jackie.  I throw Jackie's name out there very hesitantly because I want to see more of her, but who else to send home?

Until next week!

When March Madness and General Conference Combine: Mormon Madness

About a week ago I enjoyed the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  To those who may not be familiar with what General Conference is, I will explain.  It is a semi-annual conference where all the leaders of the Mormon Church, to which I belong, speak and give counsel and guidance.  It's a great event, and one of the few times I can watch so much TV without feeling completely unproductive.  You can read, listen to, or watch any talk online.

As I watched I started to think of which discourse was my favorite, and in my mind I envisioned a giant tournament in which the talks were pitted against each other until finally one winner was left standing.  A la college basketball's March Madness.  I love March Madness.  And I love General Conference.  How could I go wrong?  So it was that the first semi-annual Mormon Madness bracket was created.

This took a really long time to make.  Longer than I thought it would.

How it Works

• General Conference is split up into five general sessions: Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, Sunday afternoon, and the Priesthood session.
• Each quarter of the bracket (heretofore referred to as regions) corresponds to one of those sessions, except the Priesthood session.  Thus we have the Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, and Sunday afternoon regions.  
• Each region consists of eight discourses.  Where one session did not have eight discourses to fill up the region, the empty spots were randomly populated with talks from the Priesthood session. In the bracket, the names of the speakers from those sessions are followed by a (PS), standing, of course, for Priesthood session.  Short, informational talks were not included (for example, President Monson's opening and closing remarks).  
• Seeding is determined in accordance with the seniority of the speaker: Prophet, First Presidency, Apostle, and then Other.  When two people of the same category are in the same bracket, the higher seed is he or she who has held the position for the longest time.  
• The winners were determined by me.  The criteria for determining the winner was simply which talk I liked more.  So it's totally biased.  If you disagree with one or all of my selections, so be it.  In the future (because I will now be doing this every six months at conference time), I may consider a different method of determining the winner.  But for now, what I say goes.
• The quote at the end of each region review below comes from the winning talk.

That being said, let's dive right in to determine the greatest talk from the October 2012 General Conference.  

Saturday Morning

In what was the strongest of the four regions, President Eyring's talk from Priesthood session advanced to the Final Four. Putting that talk over President Uchtdorf's Saturday morning address was the most difficult decision of the bracket, but I had to go with my gut.  I realize that there are many of you who may not have had a chance to listen to President Eyring's talk due to the fact that it was given during the Priesthood session.  If that is the case, I urge you to go and watch it.  I say watch and not read because I love how President Eyring wears his emotions on his sleeve when he speaks. It's much more powerful to listen and watch the talk as opposed to simply reading it.  Other notable occurences include Shayne M. Bowen's upset of Elder Nelson, the 3-seed.  I loved how personal Elder Bowen got when he talked about the child that he lost to premature death. Very emotional.  

"Every person is different and has a different contribution to make.  No one is destined to fail.  As you seek revelation to see gifts God sees in those you lead - particularly the young - you will be blessed to lift their sights to the service they can perform.  With your guidance, those you lead will be able to see, want, and believe they can achieve their full potential for service in God's kingdom."

Saturday Afternoon

The Saturday Afternoon region had one of two first round Apostle matchups, as Elder Ballard and Elder Andersen went head-to-head.  Elder Ballard gets the nod and the eventual trip to the Final Four with his talk about charity and service.  Elder Oaks also gave a great talk about children in this session.  If there was ever an Apostle who is stone-faced and who doesn't get emotional, it's Elder Oaks.  However, did anyone else catch him getting a little choked up when he related a story that Elder Holland had given at a recent CES fireside?  That was nice.  I like it when the speakers are more sensitive and expressive.  Although I loved Elder Oaks' talk, he had a very difficult first round matchup against Elder Robert C. Gay over whom he barely prevailed.  Elder Gay gave the best non-Apostle talk of the session.  

"How do we ingrain the love of Christ into our hearts?  There is one simple daily practice that can make a difference for every member of the Church ... That simple practice is this: In your morning prayer each new day, ask Heavenly Father to guide you to recognize an opportunity to serve one of His precious children.  Then go throughout the day with your heart full of faith and love, looking for someone to help."

Sunday Morning

The Sunday Morning region was another very tough region with yet another Apostle-Apostle first round meeting (Elder Holland vs. Elder Christofferson).  As a surprise to none, we see Elder Holland (or as I lovingly call him, the Bulldog) taking this region by storm.  His great talk about devotion and discipleship pushed him into the Final Four.  I could literally watch Elder Holland for all ten hours of conference and love every minute.  He's that good. That being said, his path to the Final Four was not an easy one. In the process he had to beat out the Prophet and also President Eyring's great address about adversity and the pavilions we unconsciously erect to keep God out of our lives.  Elder Holland stopped what might have been one of the craziest moments in the history of Mormon Madness, one in which President Eyring could potentially have gone up against himself in the championship round.  Although a matchup featuring two talks by the same speaker was avoided here, I'm praying it will happen in future tournaments.  The suspense and drama would be unbelievable.  

"'If ye love me, keep my commandments,' Jesus said.  So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend.  We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do.  In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can't quit and we can't go back.  After an encounter with the Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before.  The Crucifixion, Atonement, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ mark the beginning of a Christ life, not the end of it."

Sunday Afternoon

While it's always difficult to have Elder Scott lose, Elder Bednar stole the fourth and final spot in the Final Four with his talk about conversion.  Also, in the biggest upset of the tournament, Elder Russell T. Osguthorpe took down the 1-seed President Uchtdorf. Sadly, this has less to do with the greatness of Elder Osguthorpe's talk and more to do with how sleepy I was during President Uchtdorf's Priesthood address, although Elder Osguthorpe did give a good discourse.  This is just one example of the many biases and problems with the method I am using to determinine who advances and who does not.  Nonetheless, it is what it is and Sunday afternoon belonged to Elder Bednar, he of the impeccable hair.

"The essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ entails a fundamental and permanent change in our very nature made possible through the Savior's Atonement.  True conversion brings a change in one's beliefs, heart, and life to accept and conform to the will of God and includes a conscious commitment to become a disciple of Christ ... Conversion requires all of our heart, all of our might, and all of our mind and strength."

The Final Four

In the first installment of Mormon Madness we have an all-Apostle Final Four (although President Eyring is in the First Presidency, he is still considered an Apostle).  Eyring-Ballard compete for Saturday, while Holland-Bednar compete for Sunday.  Here's how it all went down:

Elder Holland is the Kentucky of Mormon Madness.  You almost expect him to win each and every six months, and he in no way disappointed this October.  His talk was entitled The First Great Commandment, and in it he appealed to all of us to become better followers and disciples of Jesus Christ.  It is through devoted discipleship and obeying the commandments that we show the Savior our love.  Elder Holland recounted the experience of Jesus Christ and Peter, when Peter was asked three times by the Savior whether he loved Him. Each time Peter answered with an emphatic "yes". Elder Holland, hypothetically speaking as the Savior, then paraphrased what the Lord might have meant when, in response, he told Peter to "feed my sheep":

"Then Peter, why are you here?  Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn't it obvious then and isn't it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish?  What I need, Peter, are disciples - and I need them forever.  I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith.  I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do.  Ours is not a feeble message.  It is not a fleeting task.  It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history.  It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world."

I read that and I wonder if I've shown my love for the Savior enough.  If Peter, the chief Apostle had miles to go and many more people to help, where am I?  If the Lord asked me if I loved him, could I respond with a confident "yes"?  Elder Holland taught that the crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty, and I need to look at how loyal I am, how devoted I am, and if I have been changed by the Atonement of Christ.  We should all ask ourselves these questions from time to time as we take inventory of our lives.  The call to discipleship that Elder Holland made in this last Conference reminded me of a different Elder Holland address which has now been turned into a Mormon Message on YouTube:

  

It would be good for all of us to figure out where we are, and how we can become more faithful to the Savior.  I love the plea from Elder Holland towards the end of that video, and with that I will leave you:

"May we declare ourselves to be more fully disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, not in word only and not only in the flush of comfortable times but in deed and courage and in faith, including when the path is lonely and when our cross is difficult to bear.  This week and always, may we stand by Jesus Christ 'at all times and in all things, and in all places that [we] may be in', even until death, for surely that is how he stood by us, when it was unto death and when he had to stand entirely and utterly alone."

My Near Disaster with the CPAs

As many of you know, a large portion of my summer has been dedicated to taking the CPA exams.  Three down, one to go, and I can't wait to be done with them. However, getting the third test out of the way proved to be much more stressful and nerve-racking than it should have been.  Allow me to explain.

I scheduled my third test to be taken in California at the end of August.  I arrived in California late on Sunday, and my test was scheduled for Thursday.  I put in the hours of study I felt I needed the next three days, and when Wednesday night rolled around I took some time to get everything ready for my exam the next morning. During that process I remembered the strict identification requirements the CPA testing centers have.  They require either a) a current driver's license, or b) a current passport.  You might be thinking, "That's no problem.  You drove from Utah to California.  Surely you have a driver's license."  You would be right.  However, that license had been expired for more than a month, and who brings their passport when they visit home for a weekend?  So it was that Wednesday night I realized that I most likely would not be able to take my test.  

This is why that realization was so traumatic to me:

1) First, it’s important to understand how the CPA examination process works.  Every third month is an off-month, which means that no tests can be taken.  September happened to be an off-month, meaning that if I didn’t get my test taken in August, I’d have to wait until at least October.  However, my fourth test was scheduled for October, which meant that, realistically, I’d have to wait until November to take my missed test.  At that point I would have started work, and one of the worst scenarios I can imagine is doing accounting all day only to come home and study more accounting.  I wanted to avoid the work/study combination at all costs.  

2) I had spent the entire month of August studying for this specific exam.  Three hours a day, six days a week equals roughly 72 hours of studying – all of that would be thrown out the window.  The nature of the CPA exam is to study, learn, and then forget as quickly as possible.  There wouldn’t be a chance remembering anything I had learned two months down the road, especially when the subject is Auditing.

RIP Mom's vacuum and calculator I'd had for four years.

Thus I found myself in quite the conundrum.  I still had a last-minute solution I thought might save me.  My brother could photocopy my passport, send it to me and I could use that.  A call to the CPA examination center Thursday morning made it clear that wasn’t an option.  It was at this point that the expletives came out in full force and things were thrown and, in some cases, broken.

My mother then wondered if we could call my brother and fly him in from Utah with my passport. That was a very drastic measure, and I didn't want to reach that point until I tried my second brilliant solution, which was calling the DMV and seeing if I could renew my license in the three hours I had before my test.  I told my mom, who had the ticket pulled up and ready to be purchased, to wait until I finished talking to the DMV.  As you can guess, that wasn't an option either, because they ALSO need more identification that just an expired driver's license.  

The final solution was to buy my brother Brian a plane ticket and fly him out to California.  But Thursday was a day that just kept on giving: from the time my mother suggested buying a plane ticket to the time I got off the phone with the DMV (a period of about 15 minutes), the price of the round-trip plane ticket had jumped from around $300 to $500.  My 15 minute phone call cost me $200.

But at least it looked like I was going to be able to take my test.  Brian's flight was scheduled to land at 12:09.  My test was at 12:30.  Luckily, they give you a 30 minute window in which to arrive, so I had until 1:00.  The plane landed at 12:16, but of course there was traffic at the "arrivals" section of the airport.  Three lanes had conveniently been cut down to one.  When I finally got the pick-up zone, Brian informed me that he was actually upstairs at the "departures" section of the airport (where there was no traffic).  However, he ended up getting downstairs quickly, and I got my passport and headed off to take my test.  At 12:53 I walked into the testing center, seven minutes until my window would have closed.  I was able to take my test, so I guess all is well that ends well.

It was a crazy 24 hours that took another 24 to recover from, but there are lessons to be learned from this experience:

1. Don't ever let your driver's license expire.  
Trust me.

2. There are people who love you and care about you.
I was an absolute pain to deal with Wednesday night and Thursday morning.  But my mom stuck with me through it all, she laughed and rolled her eyes at how angry I was getting, and she helped me resolve my dilemma.  She did all that even when I broke her trusted vacuum.  She's a saint.  And then my brother, with absolutely no notice, dropped all he had on his schedule for two days to help me out when I needed it.  In both cases, what was important to me (taking my test) was important to them because they love me.  It's been said that a thousand words will not leave so deep an impression as one deed, and in this case their two deeds left a greater impression on me than thousands of words would have.  In tough times, there are always people, whether we believe it or not, who love us enough to help.  

3. Don't just endure - endure well. 
When the test had been taken and life continued on as it had, I looked back at the experience and asked why it couldn't have happened differently.  Why couldn't I have remembered my passport?  Why couldn't the plane ticket have stayed the same price?  Why did there have to be traffic at the airport?  It seemed that there was one hiccup after another, and it seemed like God was kind of piling it on.  The end result would have been the same with or without all the bumps in the road: I would have taken my test.  So why did I have to go through all the frustration and stress? I understood it was a life test (not a CPA one), and there were things I had to learn and experience I had to gain.  I then asked myself if I had passed the test (once again, not the CPA one) that had been placed before me.  The fact that I had made it to the testing center and had taken my CPA test was no indication of passing this other test.  What came to mind was something Henry B. Eyring said of the these kinds of difficulties we encounter:

"The test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty.  It is to see if we can endure it well."

I had endured the difficulty.  Things had been thrown my way, but I took my test in the end.  But I don't think I endured the difficulty all that well.  I lost my temper, was quick to anger, and cursed more than I have in a while (and if you've known me for some time, you know it must have been a lot).  Hopefully I've learned enough so that the next time frustrations come I can be more patient and have more faith.

4. Everything works out.
In the moment of our disappointments and trials, we may think they are too great and even impossible to overcome.  But things have a way of working out.  I love this quote by the late Gordon B. Hinckley:

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is.  It all works out.  Don't worry.  I say that to myself every morning.  It will all work out.  Put your trust in God, and move forward in faith and confidence in the future.  The Lord will not forsake us.  He will never forsake us.  If we put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers."

Although it's easier said than done, we must come to believe that our adversity will be but a small moment, and that things get better.  When I think of the things I struggle with and the disappointments I experience, I sometimes recall a certain man in John 5, who "had an infirmity thirty and eight years."  Thirty eight years. Can you believe that?  We get upset if our internet is down for thirty eight minutes or if our commute is longer than thirty eight miles.  If there was ever a man who had reason to lose faith, it might have been that guy.  Yet he had enough faith that Christ could heal him.  I think of him and I realize that there will be things in my life that aren't solved as quickly as I'd like, and there may be things that I have to go through and deal with for a long time.  The important thing is that we never lose faith, no matter how bad it seems at the moment.  Dieter Uchtdorf taught this when he said:

"No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations ... And to all who suffer, to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely, I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in.  Never surrender.  Never allow your despair to overcome your spirit."

It's a beautiful doctrine that the Atonement of Jesus Christ will set everything right. All the seeming injustices that we experience will be made right.  We will understand the answers to all the times we questioned God and asked "Why?".  The Atonement will reconcile it all: from our sins to our disappointments to our griefs. It will be alright in the end.  Remember the words of Corrie Ten Boom: "No pit is so deep that He is not deeper still."

The scores of messages and quotes that could be posted about this subject are too many, so I will end my writing here.  But consider the following media/quotes as an appendix to this post, with some of my favorite related messages.

Good Things to Come: My favorite Mormon Message, by Jeffrey R. Holland

Joel Burns: It Gets Better - I recently came across this and was very moved by his speech.  Joel Burns is a homosexual politician in Texas, and he gave this speech directed toward lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth, encouraging them to hold on and that life gets better.  It was something he learned from his own experience.

Brad Paisley: Letter to Me - One of my favorite songs with a great message.

Some of my favorite quotes on the subject:

From Jeffrey R. Holland: "Some of you may wonder: Is there any future for me?  What does a new year or a new semester, a new major or a new romance, a new job or a new home hold for me?  Will I be safe? Will life be sound?  Can I trust in the Lord and in the future?  Or would it be better to go back, to stay in the past?  To all such of every generation, I call out, 'Remember Lot's wife.'  Faith is for the future. Faith builds upon the past but never longs to stay there.  Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the 'high priest of good things to come'.  Keep your eyes on your dream, however distant and far away.  Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever."

From David A. Bednar: "The Savior has suffered not just for our iniquities but also for the inequality, the unfairness, the pain, the anguish, and the emotional distresses that so frequently beset us. There is no physical pain, no anguish of soul, no suffering of spirit, no infirmity or weakness that you or I ever experience during our mortal journey that the Savior did not experience first.  You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, 'No one understands.  No one knows.'  No human being, perhaps, knows.  But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did.  And because He paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy in so many phases of our life.  He can reach out, touch, succor - literally run to us - and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power."

From Thomas S. Monson: "I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments.  There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us.  My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not.  Be of good cheer.  The future is as bright as your faith."

 

 

Dear Craig ... My Response to My Last Post

My last post consisted of my thoughts about career and what I really want to do with my life.  As I've thought about that more and more, it has led me to further pondering about life and what matters, and I now share with you my own response to my last post.

Google image search results: Dad is #1.  I'm #63.  Thanks mormon.org

Dear Craig,

I agree with what you wrote, but perhaps you wrote it without taking the time to fully explore the subject at hand. Fortunately, you have a dad who is very smart (and also quite famous - google "Swindlehurst" and see who comes up first) and who presented a different viewpoint.  His perspective was this: "instead of wandering around 'finding what you love,' learn how to love what you find."  I think he makes a good point, and what I believe falls somewhere in between what he wrote and what you wrote. There are certain things you might never develop a passion for, no matter how long you do them.  At the same time, your love for something will develop as you do it. So there's a balance between seeking out your passion and learning to love whatever you decide to do.

Anyway, that's not what I want to talk about, but doesn't it make you think? Perhaps your focus hasn't been where it should be.  Here's the thing: you'll eventually find the right career, whether it's accounting or not.  You'll learn to love it and you'll be fine.  There's no need to devote an excessive amount of time worrying about that. In the eternal scheme of things, what your career ends up being is about as important as who wins the next season of the Bachelor.  In other words, kind of important, but not eternally important.  Here's some food for thought from Malcom Muggeridge:

"Now the prospect of death overshadows all others.  I am like a man on a sea voyage nearing his destination.  When I embarked I worried about having a cabin with a porthole, and whether I should be asked to sit at the captain's table, who were the more attractive and important passengers.  All such considerations become pointless, because now I shall soon be disembarking."     

During this voyage through life, you may begin to believe that certain things matter; things like the amount of money you earn, the accolades you receive, or yes, even what you do for a living.  But the reality is that none of those things mean anything in the long run.  One day you will die, and all those considerations will become, as Malcom Muggeridge says, pointless.

You shared this video on your blog before, but perhaps you didn't internalize the message, so I think it's worth sharing again.  Remember Ric Elias, who was on Flight 1549 that crash-landed into the Hudson River in New York in 2009?  He literally thought he was going to die, and faced with death, came to realize what was really important.  

If you don't want to spend five minutes watching the video, perhaps this scripture can give you an idea of what is significant.  It's in James 1:27:

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."

You've read this scripture many times before, but hopefully this time it will stand out to you.  When you read it, doesn't it scream at you that NOTHING else matters in life except serving others and being kind to them?  That thought seems so absolute, but it's true.  That's what pure religion is.  That is what God would have you do, and that is how He would have you worship Him.  He wants you to love, serve, help, and be kind to His children.  Can you think of a single thing with real import that doesn't have to do with that?  I didn't think so. That's the whole reason you're here.  Alexander Pine said: "What we do for ourselves dies with us.  What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal."  So go ahead, go to the gym one more time so you can beat your girlfriend's little brother in an arm wrestle.  Go running to cut a minute off your marathon pace.  Study more to score five percent higher on that exam.  Work longer to make a thousand more dollars.  Or ten thousand.  Or a hundred thousand.  All of that will die with you.  But the kindness you show others, and the service you render can and will never fade.  It will last through the eternities.  I'm not saying you shouldn't do any of those things.  They're great things.  You shouldn't feel ashamed when you do take the time to do them, or when you take the time to worry about your future career.  I'm just saying that they shouldn't come at the expense of those around you, and that perhaps you should shift your focus in life outward, to other people.  You've read some G. K. Chesterton recently, haven't you?  He said this:

"How much larger your life would be if you could become smaller in it ... you would begin to be interested in others.  You would break out of this tiny ... theater in which your own little plot is always being played, and you would find yourself under a freer sky, in a street  full of splendid strangers."

To close, I'll share a great quote from one of your favorite books: Quiet Strength. It's the autobiography of Tony Dungy, former head coach in the NFL (who now has numerous books and his own website).  He was a very successful coach, winning the Super Bowl in 2006.  But despite all of his worldly success, he stayed grounded in what mattered most and was a great example of living a Christian life.  In his book, he has this to say about priorities and what's important in life:

"The competing vies of success in our world often create an interesting tension.  Society tends to define success in terms of accomplishments and awards, material possession, and profit margins.  In the football business, winning is the only thing that matters.  God's Word, however, presents a different definition of success - one centered on a relationship with Jesus Christ and a love for God that allows us to love and serve others.  God gives each one of us unique gifts, abilities, and passions.  How well we use those qualities to have an impact on the world around us determines how 'successful' we really are.  If we get caught up in chasing what the world defines as success, we can use our time and talent to do some great things.  We might even become famous.  But in the end, what will it mean?  What will people remember us for?  Are other people's lives better because we lived?  Did we make a difference?  Did we use to the fullest the gifts and abilities God gave us?  Did we give our best effort, and did we do it for the right reasons?  God's definition of success is really one of significance - the significant difference our lives can make in the lives of others.  This significance doesn't show up in the win-loss records, long resumes, or the trophies gathering dust on our mantels.  It's found in the hearts and lives of those we've come across who are in some way better because of the way we lived."

Just to drive home the point, this is how Clayton Christensen, successful businessman and Harvard professor, finished his famous talk How Will You Measure Your Life:

"This past year I was diagnosed with cancer and I faced the possibility that my life would end sooner than I'd planned.  Thankfully, it now looks as if I'll be spared.  But the experience has given me important insight into my life.  I have a pretty clear idea of how my ideas have generated enormous revenue for companies that have used my research; I know I've had a substantial impact.  But as I've confronted this disease, it's been interesting to see how unimportant that impact is to me now.  I've concluded that the metric by which God will assess my life isn't dollars but the individual people whose lives I've touched.  I think that's the way it will work for us all.  Don't worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people."

Do you see the pattern here?  From Ric Elias to James to Tony Dungy to Clayton Christensen, the message is the same: what matters is the service and love you show other people.  Yes, part of you should still be concerned about your career, as each of us, to an extent, should.  But what's truly important and what you must center your life around is the positive influence you can have on the lives of others.

Anyway, this is stuff you already know and that you accept as true.  But as has been said, people need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed.  Don't worry, I still love you and I still think you're sexy.  

Sincerely, 

Yourself