Starting a Blog. On many different occasions I have considered starting
a blog, but I never have. The
reasons for this are 1) I felt that no one would read what I would write
because I have nothing interesting to say (I still feel this way), and 2) I was
lazy and too “busy”. I graduated from
college two months ago and still have over three months to go before I enter
the workforce full-time. So being “busy”
is no longer an excuse, and since being lazy was never an excuse to begin with,
my second reason for not blogging is no longer a valid reason (was it
ever?). However, my first reason for not
blogging has been and still is challenging to overcome.
Vulnerability. This brings me to becoming vulnerable. If you don’t want to read about borderline
spiritual concepts, then please skip this paragraph and get to the good stuff
about The Bachelorette. So, the concept
of vulnerability came to me after listening to the viral Ted Talks by Brené
Brown called The Power of Vulnerability and
Listening to Shame. Both of these talks are worth watching and are worth pondering.
Even after watching both of her talks
multiple times, it’s still hard to define exactly what vulnerability is and
what it means to me. My favorite way
that Brené describes it is that being vulnerable is when we allow ourselves to
really be seen. We completely expose
ourselves to others (not like that), and that is a terrifying thing to do. It is an emotional risk because the outcome
is so uncertain. There’s something in
our mind (shame) that tells us that if someone knew everything about us then they
wouldn’t accept us, and that’s what makes becoming vulnerable so frightening
and uncomfortable. We settle with being
who people want or expect us to be. To
avoid any possible pain we reveal only as much of ourselves as we think people
will accept, and their opinions begin to be the things that validate us, and we
begin to draw our worth from the wrong sources.
Being vulnerable has to come from a place where we believe that who we
are is enough. When we believe that, we
are able to reveal ourselves fully and we are able to let ourselves be deeply
seen. What Brené Brown teaches is that
being vulnerable and reaching that point is where joy, happiness, and feelings
of belonging and love come from. We can
have no real connection with others and no real, deep emotions until we allow
ourselves to reach this point of excruciating vulnerability. She teaches that becoming vulnerable is our
most accurate measure of courage. That’s
funny because when you punch in “vulnerable” in the thesaurus, words like
“susceptible” and “weak” come up, and those have less to do with “vulnerable”
than “ugly” has to do with Emma Watson. I
have ranted on much too long about this topic, and this ranting comes not from
a position of authority, because as much as I believe this, I haven’t really
lived it. So why am I even talking about
it? I promise that these last 400 words I
have written have something to do with my starting a blog. Here is a direct quote from Brené from Listening to Shame: “To create is to
make something that has never existed before.
There is nothing more vulnerable than that.” So in the spirit of trying to be more
vulnerable, I have created this blog. I
have created something that has never existed, and I have created something
that will hopefully reveal me in a way that will allow me to be seen. This is a small step in me trying to live a
more full life.
The Bachelorette. Enough of this sappy banter! Let’s move on to a different kind of sappy –
the more worldly kind. Speaking of being
vulnerable … In this week’s episode of the Bachelorette, a number of the
guys dropped the L-bomb on Emily and told them that they were “in love” or
“falling in love” with her (I believe this was more of a strategic move and
less of a bearing of the soul). This got
me thinking about the different steps that Bachelor/Bachelorette take and when
they should take them to maximize their effect.
There are four major steps that I could think of: 1) the emotional story
of your ex, your family, or something of that nature, 2) the first kiss, 3) the
“I’m-going-to-sneak-out-of-the-house”
visit after-hours, and 4) the “I love
you”/“I am falling in love with you”.
This season has had good examples of each of these steps.
Step 1: The emotional story of your ex, your family, etc.
This is generally the first step
to take in developing a “real” relationship with the Bachelorette. The ideal place for this is probably on the first
date. This season, Doug came out with it
too early, and Wolf came out with it too late.
On opening night Doug read the letter his son had written for Emily, and
then did nothing the rest of the show except accept his role as Papa Bear of
the house and make fun of Chris (who will be quick to tell you he’s a man and
not a boy!). I believe that dropping the
emotional story should be followed by the second milestone relatively
quickly. Doug never did that and then
suffered for it. Wolf waited too long to
become emotional in the first place, and even though he followed it with the
first kiss, he was already too far behind.
Taking Step 1 kept him around for another week, but there was too much
ground to make up.
Step 2: The First Kiss
Besides coming soon after the
first milestones, the only other rules is that if you’re Arie, then you do it
as soon as you can so that every time Emily sees you from then on out, she’ll
be begging you for more (if Arie looked like he did in this blog with long
hair, the only thing she’d be begging for is that he go home). Besides that, just get it done. That could be sooner rather than later or
vice versa, but it has to come at the right time. Doug waited too long and it killed him. Jef also waited a long time, but it was the
right move for him and it played to his favor.
Step 3: The “I’m-going-to-sneak-out-of-the-house” visit after-hours
This move locked up the win for
Courtney in last season’s Bachelor with Ben.
Ever since the skinny-dipping session, Ben was hooked on Courtney. This season, both Arie and Sean took this
step very effectively, although the whole Sean running around Prague looking
for Emily was one of the stupidest things I have ever seen. This really is a bonus step. Not everyone has to reach it, but for those
who do, it’s very beneficial. It’s no
coincidence that this season’s two favorites have both made an after-hours
visit.
Step 4: The “I love you”/”I am falling in love with you”
Both Jef and Arie made these
pronouncements last episode, and Emily swooned.
The way Jef did it with the puppets was great. I was surprised that the love word was used this
episode. Historically, we usually hear
these phrases during the hometown dates.
That’s probably a good place to use them, but as we saw last episode,
using them earlier can’t hurt.
Step 5 (Just added): The Fantasy Suite!
My personal favorite. “Should you choose to forgo your individual
rooms…”
