The Bachelor Episode 7 - Don't Let Them Take Your Sparkle!

This was my initial reaction when I heard Sean tell Tierra that maybe it was better for her to go home:

If you can't tell what's going on, it's a celebratory dance.  Yes, that girl is wearing a giant pair of pants.  Anyway, my joy was full, and I was thrilled at the prospect of not having to watch any more of Tierra's manipulations. However, after 48 hours, my real feelings are better represented by this picture:

I'm going to miss her.  Tierrably.  I think the producers realized they couldn't have a normal week without Tierra, so they skipped an episode and accelerated the hometown dates.  Since the show will now have a completely different format, maybe we won't notice Tierra's absence as much.  Be that as it may, I plan to have a Tierra-filled blog as a final tribute to her Reign of Tierror.

Tierra has never been very good at masking her displeasure when someone else gets a date, and now we finally know the answer - she can't control what's on her face 24/7!  I dub this face the "I'm-not-friends-with-girls-who-like-my-boyfriends" face.  

AshLee really likes your boyfriend, Tierra.  Here we see her raising her hands in triumph upon securing the first one-on-one date Monday night.  Ladies and gentleman, the cougar's back in town!  

I never had reason to believe AshLee couldn't swim, but either she can't or she decided to be really awkward. Either way, let's be thankful we're finally at a location where the ladies can wear bikinis as much as they want. Thank you St. Croix.  Oh, and thanks for Tim Duncan, too.  

AshLee took the risk of talking to Sean about Tierra and it paid off.  Amazingly, Sean took AshLee at her word and that was that.  I mean, it was just amazing.  Sean is an amazing guy, and there he was hanging out with an amazing woman.  This whole journey is so amazing.  

I saw this video before I re-watched Monday's episode, and I started noticing the word "amazing" right and left.  

Anyway, after a tantalizing conversation about Tierra's poor character, Sean and AshLee decided to take a walk into the water ... 

And suddenly ended up on the beach!  Did anyone else notice how weird that was?  

This date was full of AshLee lying awkwardly on top of Sean.  First in the water, and now here in the sand.  They look like two beached whales, but two really good-looking beached whales.  Unlike Tierra, I won't complain about AshLee being 32.  Not when she looks like that.  

When Tierra finally got her own one-on-one date, the women tried so hard to be excited for her, but see how they failed.  It's hard to be excited for someone when they're not even excited themselves.  Once Tierra got the date card, all she could do was complain about having to walk around a city while being attacked by bugs, sweating, and having her makeup get all messy.  Lesley put it best: "I hate that b***h."  

Back to AshLee's date.  She finished the night by raising her hands and awkwardly proclaiming Sean's love for all to hear.  AshLee really likes Sean a lot.  If it's even possible, she's moving faster than normal Bachelor women go.  The way she's talking about Sean and the way she's telling him she loves him is more like the behavior of one of the top two, not someone in the top six.  It's all going to build up to a giant heartbreak. Although AshLee said she loved Sean and that she'd never stop telling him that, she actually will in about three weeks.   

Or maybe she won't.  Doesn't she look kind of evil/possessive/crazy in that picture?  Looking at her there makes me think she'll latch onto Sean and never let go.  Sean will go out and she'll "randomly" appear out of nowhere, she'll break into his house to steal his dirty blue shorts, she'll start crossing out the faces of other girls in all his pictures, stuff like that.  

I don't know who's loving this more: Tierra, that black lady, or me.  We've captured another ugly Tierra moment. They just keep coming!  Before this date Sean wondered who was right about Tierra, him or everyone else. Gosh, that's tough.  Do you believe the guy who's spent a total of six hours with her, or girls that have been living with her for more than a month?

When confronted by Sean about her relationship with the other girls, Tierra claimed that the girls' dislike of her was simply jealousy stemming back to the moment that she received the first impression rose (along with about six other women).  Yes, I'm sure each and every girl remembers that, and that's why they're ganging up on her.  Tierra, always the victim.  

After we saw this lovely shot of some sandy feet, we got to listen to Tierra plead her case to Sean.  I think she felt the end might be drawing near, so she put it all on the table:

"I thought I'd tell you ... that ... I care for you a lot ... and I hope that ... our journey continues from here on out.  I ... am falling for you, and hopefully you know that and that you go home tonight and you really take that into consideration.  And to know that ... [kissing] ... I'm falling in love with you."

Those periods represent awkward pauses she had during her speech where she had to gather her thoughts in order to say what she really wanted to say.  It was like she was taking her time and making sure that she covered all the main points and buzz words she needed to.

And, of course, that was enough to get Sean's tongue to go down the gullet.  When all else fails, try putting out to stay put.  

Sean is the first Bachelor that I've actually liked throughout the whole season.  While I initially liked Jake, Brad, and Ben, I hated them all when the show was over.  My respect for Sean went up when he tried to get pictures of the girls on the group date without makeup.  He's starting to cross the pre-marriage must-sees off the list. Next week he'll meet their mothers and cross yet another item off the list, and he's already seen them in a bathing suit.  What else does he need to know?  

On another note, do you think Sean thought it was weird when he stumbled in on Tierra sleeping on a cot in the hallway?  

Did anyone else love this map from the group date?  In between Point Udall and Sandy Point, the map shows us their stops along the way: a sugar mill, a cafe, and a treehouse.  Were those really the main attractions of entire island of Saint Croix?  An abandoned building, a normal cafe, and a treehouse?    

When they finally arrive at their destination for the sunset, Sean snaps this photo so he can look at it again ... never.  Who is this picture for?  Is he going to keep it in a photo album after he chooses his temporary wife at the end of the show?  "Hey honey, remember that time we went on that date with two other women?"  

Is it just me or was Lindsay not looking her best that day?

Catherine followed up a-tree-killed-my-best-friend story with the story of her suffering-from-depression father. At this stage in the game, you better have shared with the Bachelor/Bachelorette some type of emotional story. The common denominator with the four remaining women is that they've all opened up to Sean about these kinds of stories from their lives.

AshLee - Adopted/Divorced

Catherine - Tree killed friend/Dad is depressed

Des - Lived in tent/Loves her family

Lindsay - .... She ..... She just puts out a lot

This date was drama-free because it was Tierra-free.  But it was merely the calm before the storm.  Then this happened.

 

Yes, just as the girls kept saying, the s**t hit the fan.  Tierra and AshLee duked it out.  Let's take a look at some of the key moments.

AshLee: "When someone walks into a room and says good morning ... "

Tierra: "I'm not gonna sit around and talk high school stuff, I'm a 24 year old woman, you're 32 years old ... "

Apparently saying "good morning" and exchanging pleasantries with other people is considered "high school stuff" now.

AshLee: "When Sean walks into the room, you're a different person."

Tierra: "Because girls are jealous.  Men love me.  I don't need to sabotage people to get to the top."

That doesn't look like the kind of girl that men love.  

Tierra: "All these girls are talking s**t about you.  Every single one ... I'm done with this conversation."

Later, because Tierra wasn't really done at all:

Catherine: "You told AshLee we talked s**t about her?"

Tierra: "I never said that, don't put words in my mouth.  I never said that."

Her denying that ticked me off more than any other moment.  Tierra has some serious issues.

AshLee: "Straight stares, raised eyebrow, no good morning ... "

Tierra: "Raised eyebrow!?  That's my face.  I can't help it ... I can't control my eyebrow!  I cannot control my eyebrow!  I can't control what's on my face 24/7."

I found this on the Bachelor tumblr before Monday's episode, so once I heard Tierra say she couldn't control her eyebrow I knew this had to be included somewhere.  

AshLee: "Your parents were worried about you coming on here because you can't get along with other girls."

Tierra: "They never said that, they said 'Tierra you have a sparkle, Tierra you have a sparkle, do not let those girls take your sparkle away.'" 

Tierra gave us a phrase that will last forever in infamy.  DON'T MESS WITH HER SPARKLE!  Now I'm even more angry she didn't make it to hometowns.  If she has parents that told her not to let people take her sparkle, imagine what they're like!  Sadly, we'll never know.

The whole dramatic incident left Tierra in the arms of Sean (what a surprise).  However, this time around she didn't receive the reassurance she was looking for.  

Tierra periodically looked at Sean like this, waiting for him to give her comfort, but Sean (bless his heart) remained silent and didn't give her what she wanted, for once.  Sean finally listened to the advice of his sister (who I thought was very attractive) and got rid of the girl no one liked.  But don't cry for Tierra.  Apparently, she's already engaged!  I will pray for whatever man this is who is attempting to take her sparkle.

Moving on.  Based on that picture, you'd think Lesley and Sean's date was a huge success.  Interestingly enough, this is the shot that the previews kept showing us, leading us to believe that Lesley was in it for the long haul, and I fell for it.  I always thought she'd be around until the end.  However, what killed her was not "being open", which is really a phrase meaning conjuring any kind of sad story you can think of (see above).  Lesley opted for a more "natural progression", one in which you get to know someone before a) telling them you love them, or b) bearing your soul to them.  Unfortunately for her, she was on the Bachelor, where opting for natural progression turns you into a victim of natural selection. 

Lesley's departure gave way to one of the most bizarre moments I've ever seen on the Bachelor.  

"I honestly can't explain how I'm feeling right now.  If he doesn't want Lesley I don't know why I'm here.  She has more in common with him than I do.  I swear, I didn't want to say that, but that's truly what I believed.  This is extremely tough for me.  My beliefs are shattered about what he wants."

I have absolutely no idea how to interpret that statement.  Is Catherine a lesbian?  I don't think that's ever happened before, but that would be crazy.  It reminds me of the lesbian contestant on Burning Love.  If you haven't seen the first season of Burning Love: The Most Romantic Web Series That Ever Will Be, you should probably watch it now.    

Before I leave, I need to say one final goodbye.  Tierra, we've had a great run.  I'll forever thank the producers for always throwing in a couple of crazies each season to make this show worth watching.  You follow in the footsteps of Michelle Money, Courtney the model, and Vienna the sausage.  Thankfully, we'll see you again in less than three weeks at the "Women Tell All", where the women will tear you to pieces and you'll be alone, fending for yourself.  Even Chris won't be able to save you.  But whatever you do, don't let them take away your sparkle.