Living Like Otis

I knew this day would come.  Anyone who has started a blog has experienced a time when weeks, but more likely months, pass without a blog post.  The last 68 make up my first real dry spell, but I'm sure many more will follow.  My blogging dry spells may even prove to be longer and arid than my girlfriend dry spells, but I doubt it.

Moving on.  California has treated me well thus far, and my recent trip to Utah only confirmed how much I like it here.  Living with my family has been great and work has been surprisingly pleasant (although soon I'll be entering my first busy season.  Come back on April 15th and I'll tell you how I really feel about my job).  I have little to complain about.

That being said, I didn't feel this way when I started work.  I had trouble adapting to the schedule and I wasn't sure I liked my job at all.  Part of me was already secretly planning my exit strategy, although the rest of me wouldn't admit it.  I wasn't feeling very happy, and work wasn't the only reason.

And then things started to change.  Maybe it was simply my becoming more accustomed to my new life with the passage of time.  Maybe not.

My brother Brian shared this Ted Talk with me by Shawn Anchor entitled "The Happy Secret to Better Work."  At the time I didn't feel like I was producing bad work that needed to be better, but I did need a better attitude towards my work.  The following excerpt consists of bits and pieces that underscore what this discourse was all about:

"If I know everything about your external world, I can only predict 10 percent of your long-term happiness.  90 percent of your long-term happiness is predicted not by the external world, but by the way your brain processes the world.  And if we change it, if we change our formula for happiness and success, what we can do is change the way that we can then affect reality. We found that only 25 percent of job successes are predicted by I.Q.  75 percent of job successes are predicted by your optimism levels, your social support and your ability to see stress as a challenge instead of as a threat.  In the last three years, I've traveled to 45 different countries, working with schools and companies in the midst of an economic downturn.  And what I found is that most schools and companies follow a formula for success, which is this: if I work harder, I'll be more successful.  And if I'm more successful, then I'll be happier. ... And the problem is that's scientifically broken and backwards ... our brains work in the opposite order. ... If we can find a way of becoming positive [and happy] in the present, then our brains work even more successfully as we're able to work harder, faster and more intelligently."

My happiness was being determined by my surroundings, like my job.  I was seeing stress as a threat, and not a challenge.  I was unconsciously placing my happiness just out of reach.  I thought that if I had a job that I enjoyed more or if I had more success at my job and in life, I'd be happy.  But what Mr. Anchor teaches is that you don't have to be successful to be happy; just being happy creates the success you're looking for.  He teaches that your current circumstances don't predict your long-term happiness; the way you process the world predicts your long-term happiness.  These are not novel concepts.  You and I have heard them a million times before and we all probably accept them as things we believe.  But if we really examined our lives, we would find, like I did, that we allow our external circumstances to determine how happy we are more often that we think we do.  We would find that we've made the happiness for which we constantly strive forever elusive, just over the horizon and on the opposite side of success, of marriage or of a new job.  It's a skewed way of thinking, but unfortunately it's human nature to constantly be looking for greener pastures.

Yes, that is me in a Onesie behind him.

You know who doesn't have that problem?  Dogs.  I have a dog and his name is Otis.  Those who know me well know that I love my dog. He was once full of energy, but now he's slowed down and is kind of a gimp.  But every now and then he'll perk up and become the spry little dog he once was.  Otis and the rest of the canine world are amazing creatures.  Unlike us, they wear their emotions on their sleeves - we never have to guess what they think of us.  In our human-human interactions, we're always concerned and wondering what others might be thinking of us while at the same time hiding what we really feel about them for fear of hurting their feelings.  So we put on a facade and keep them guessing.  Wouldn't relationships and dating be a lot easier if we all acted like dogs?  Not in the sniffing-each-other's-crotches kind of way, but in the this-is-exactly-how-I-feel-about-you kind of way? There would be no more second-guessing of ourselves, no more anxious, worrying thoughts about how she or he reacted to this, or about why they did or didn't say that.  We would always be in the know.

Anyway, that's another point entirely, and perhaps another post.  Let's get back to the reason I brought up dogs in the first place.  We have greener-pasture syndrome.  We're always thinking the best is yet to come, and that we need x, y, or z to happen to us before we can be happy.  Dogs don't think like we do - they just enjoy life now.  No matter what a dog is doing, he's completely there and he's totally enjoying himself.  Dogs never wonder what people think of them, or what they need to get done later.  Dogs worry only about chasing those birds, what that bush smells like, or where they're going to pee.  Their only care is what they're experiencing right now.  They're always present, and consequently always happy.

I read a book once called "Zorba the Greek."  It was a really weird book that I'd hesitate to recommend, but there's a passage in the book that is pertinent to our topic of conversation. Zorba, the wise old Greek, is speaking to our worrisome protagonist:

"I've stopped thinking all the time of what happened yesterday.  And stopped asking myself what's going to happen tomorrow.  What's happening today, this minute, that's what I care about.  I say: 'What are you doing at this moment, Zorba?'  'I'm sleeping.'  'Well, sleep well.'  'What are you doing at this moment, Zorba?'  'I'm working.'  'Well, work well.'  'What are you doing at this moment, Zorba?'  'I'm kissing a woman.'  'Well, kiss her well, Zorba!  And forget the rest while you're doing it; there's nothing else on earth, only you and her!  Get on with it!'"

That's how a dog lives, and we should live that way too.  Are you at work right now?  Then be at work and don't worry about how much you're not enjoying yourself, and stop thinking about when you'll be off.  You're with that girl right now?  Well then be with her, and stop wishing you were with someone else.

No matter our present circumstances we make the conscious decision to enjoy where we are in life now, and to be happy now.  Success and everything else we want will follow.  If we find that we are unhappy, maybe we should consider asking ourselves, 'What would Otis do?'

 

When March Madness and General Conference Combine: Mormon Madness

About a week ago I enjoyed the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  To those who may not be familiar with what General Conference is, I will explain.  It is a semi-annual conference where all the leaders of the Mormon Church, to which I belong, speak and give counsel and guidance.  It's a great event, and one of the few times I can watch so much TV without feeling completely unproductive.  You can read, listen to, or watch any talk online.

As I watched I started to think of which discourse was my favorite, and in my mind I envisioned a giant tournament in which the talks were pitted against each other until finally one winner was left standing.  A la college basketball's March Madness.  I love March Madness.  And I love General Conference.  How could I go wrong?  So it was that the first semi-annual Mormon Madness bracket was created.

This took a really long time to make.  Longer than I thought it would.

How it Works

• General Conference is split up into five general sessions: Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, Sunday afternoon, and the Priesthood session.
• Each quarter of the bracket (heretofore referred to as regions) corresponds to one of those sessions, except the Priesthood session.  Thus we have the Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, Sunday morning, and Sunday afternoon regions.  
• Each region consists of eight discourses.  Where one session did not have eight discourses to fill up the region, the empty spots were randomly populated with talks from the Priesthood session. In the bracket, the names of the speakers from those sessions are followed by a (PS), standing, of course, for Priesthood session.  Short, informational talks were not included (for example, President Monson's opening and closing remarks).  
• Seeding is determined in accordance with the seniority of the speaker: Prophet, First Presidency, Apostle, and then Other.  When two people of the same category are in the same bracket, the higher seed is he or she who has held the position for the longest time.  
• The winners were determined by me.  The criteria for determining the winner was simply which talk I liked more.  So it's totally biased.  If you disagree with one or all of my selections, so be it.  In the future (because I will now be doing this every six months at conference time), I may consider a different method of determining the winner.  But for now, what I say goes.
• The quote at the end of each region review below comes from the winning talk.

That being said, let's dive right in to determine the greatest talk from the October 2012 General Conference.  

Saturday Morning

In what was the strongest of the four regions, President Eyring's talk from Priesthood session advanced to the Final Four. Putting that talk over President Uchtdorf's Saturday morning address was the most difficult decision of the bracket, but I had to go with my gut.  I realize that there are many of you who may not have had a chance to listen to President Eyring's talk due to the fact that it was given during the Priesthood session.  If that is the case, I urge you to go and watch it.  I say watch and not read because I love how President Eyring wears his emotions on his sleeve when he speaks. It's much more powerful to listen and watch the talk as opposed to simply reading it.  Other notable occurences include Shayne M. Bowen's upset of Elder Nelson, the 3-seed.  I loved how personal Elder Bowen got when he talked about the child that he lost to premature death. Very emotional.  

"Every person is different and has a different contribution to make.  No one is destined to fail.  As you seek revelation to see gifts God sees in those you lead - particularly the young - you will be blessed to lift their sights to the service they can perform.  With your guidance, those you lead will be able to see, want, and believe they can achieve their full potential for service in God's kingdom."

Saturday Afternoon

The Saturday Afternoon region had one of two first round Apostle matchups, as Elder Ballard and Elder Andersen went head-to-head.  Elder Ballard gets the nod and the eventual trip to the Final Four with his talk about charity and service.  Elder Oaks also gave a great talk about children in this session.  If there was ever an Apostle who is stone-faced and who doesn't get emotional, it's Elder Oaks.  However, did anyone else catch him getting a little choked up when he related a story that Elder Holland had given at a recent CES fireside?  That was nice.  I like it when the speakers are more sensitive and expressive.  Although I loved Elder Oaks' talk, he had a very difficult first round matchup against Elder Robert C. Gay over whom he barely prevailed.  Elder Gay gave the best non-Apostle talk of the session.  

"How do we ingrain the love of Christ into our hearts?  There is one simple daily practice that can make a difference for every member of the Church ... That simple practice is this: In your morning prayer each new day, ask Heavenly Father to guide you to recognize an opportunity to serve one of His precious children.  Then go throughout the day with your heart full of faith and love, looking for someone to help."

Sunday Morning

The Sunday Morning region was another very tough region with yet another Apostle-Apostle first round meeting (Elder Holland vs. Elder Christofferson).  As a surprise to none, we see Elder Holland (or as I lovingly call him, the Bulldog) taking this region by storm.  His great talk about devotion and discipleship pushed him into the Final Four.  I could literally watch Elder Holland for all ten hours of conference and love every minute.  He's that good. That being said, his path to the Final Four was not an easy one. In the process he had to beat out the Prophet and also President Eyring's great address about adversity and the pavilions we unconsciously erect to keep God out of our lives.  Elder Holland stopped what might have been one of the craziest moments in the history of Mormon Madness, one in which President Eyring could potentially have gone up against himself in the championship round.  Although a matchup featuring two talks by the same speaker was avoided here, I'm praying it will happen in future tournaments.  The suspense and drama would be unbelievable.  

"'If ye love me, keep my commandments,' Jesus said.  So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend.  We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do.  In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of the Lord. We can't quit and we can't go back.  After an encounter with the Son of the living God, nothing is ever again to be as it was before.  The Crucifixion, Atonement, and Resurrection of Jesus Christ mark the beginning of a Christ life, not the end of it."

Sunday Afternoon

While it's always difficult to have Elder Scott lose, Elder Bednar stole the fourth and final spot in the Final Four with his talk about conversion.  Also, in the biggest upset of the tournament, Elder Russell T. Osguthorpe took down the 1-seed President Uchtdorf. Sadly, this has less to do with the greatness of Elder Osguthorpe's talk and more to do with how sleepy I was during President Uchtdorf's Priesthood address, although Elder Osguthorpe did give a good discourse.  This is just one example of the many biases and problems with the method I am using to determinine who advances and who does not.  Nonetheless, it is what it is and Sunday afternoon belonged to Elder Bednar, he of the impeccable hair.

"The essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ entails a fundamental and permanent change in our very nature made possible through the Savior's Atonement.  True conversion brings a change in one's beliefs, heart, and life to accept and conform to the will of God and includes a conscious commitment to become a disciple of Christ ... Conversion requires all of our heart, all of our might, and all of our mind and strength."

The Final Four

In the first installment of Mormon Madness we have an all-Apostle Final Four (although President Eyring is in the First Presidency, he is still considered an Apostle).  Eyring-Ballard compete for Saturday, while Holland-Bednar compete for Sunday.  Here's how it all went down:

Elder Holland is the Kentucky of Mormon Madness.  You almost expect him to win each and every six months, and he in no way disappointed this October.  His talk was entitled The First Great Commandment, and in it he appealed to all of us to become better followers and disciples of Jesus Christ.  It is through devoted discipleship and obeying the commandments that we show the Savior our love.  Elder Holland recounted the experience of Jesus Christ and Peter, when Peter was asked three times by the Savior whether he loved Him. Each time Peter answered with an emphatic "yes". Elder Holland, hypothetically speaking as the Savior, then paraphrased what the Lord might have meant when, in response, he told Peter to "feed my sheep":

"Then Peter, why are you here?  Why are we back on this same shore, by these same nets, having this same conversation? Wasn't it obvious then and isn't it obvious now that if I want fish, I can get fish?  What I need, Peter, are disciples - and I need them forever.  I need someone to preach my gospel and defend my faith.  I need someone who loves me, truly, truly loves me, and loves what our Father in Heaven has commissioned me to do.  Ours is not a feeble message.  It is not a fleeting task.  It is not hapless; it is not hopeless; it is not to be consigned to the ash heap of history.  It is the work of Almighty God, and it is to change the world."

I read that and I wonder if I've shown my love for the Savior enough.  If Peter, the chief Apostle had miles to go and many more people to help, where am I?  If the Lord asked me if I loved him, could I respond with a confident "yes"?  Elder Holland taught that the crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty, and I need to look at how loyal I am, how devoted I am, and if I have been changed by the Atonement of Christ.  We should all ask ourselves these questions from time to time as we take inventory of our lives.  The call to discipleship that Elder Holland made in this last Conference reminded me of a different Elder Holland address which has now been turned into a Mormon Message on YouTube:

  

It would be good for all of us to figure out where we are, and how we can become more faithful to the Savior.  I love the plea from Elder Holland towards the end of that video, and with that I will leave you:

"May we declare ourselves to be more fully disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, not in word only and not only in the flush of comfortable times but in deed and courage and in faith, including when the path is lonely and when our cross is difficult to bear.  This week and always, may we stand by Jesus Christ 'at all times and in all things, and in all places that [we] may be in', even until death, for surely that is how he stood by us, when it was unto death and when he had to stand entirely and utterly alone."

A Toast to Utah: Farewell, Old Friend

Ten hours, three boxes of Altoids, two Mountain Dews and forty-seven Peachios later, I've arrived in California, leaving behind Utah indefinitely to begin full-time work.  The fact that I won't be going back hasn't sunk in yet, and it might not for a while.  It's sad to leave behind the place I've lived in for 20 of my 26 years of life, but it's also exciting to begin my career and to begin real life (I still call it real life even though I'm living at my parents' house).

When people asked me what I'd miss most about Utah besides friends and family, I couldn't really think of much.  In fact, the only answer I came up with was basketball.  You can always count on finding good ball in Provo.  This led me to the thought that Utah, like anywhere I might live, is only as good as the people I find there.  I won't miss Utah for its mountains, because I'll have the beach.  I won't miss Utah for its weather, because I hate the snow.  I won't miss Utah for its attractions, because I have the feeling that California offers a lot more.  I'll miss Utah because of all the people I care for who I am leaving behind. Unfortunately, you can't always take those you love with you wherever you go.

So although it's depressing to say goodbye, I feel like I made the most of this last summer with those people.  I went to Kanarraville, Utah to see a solar eclipse.  I went camping, went to a rodeo and to multiple carnivals.  I beat down two pinatas and I painted for the first time since Elementary school.  I started this blog, went wedding crashing and won the Bachelorette TV series  competition.  I went on trips to Boise, California, and Seattle.  I passed my CPA tests and I loved more than I ever had before.  It was a great summer.

Last Monday was my final night in Utah, and it was an emotional one.  I hadn't expected the goodbye to hurt so much and be so hard.  Yet there I was, crying like a little girl in the arms of someone I love. Besides the pain associated with leaving, I had some other thoughts during that night.  One thought had to do, of course, with vulnerability (what would one of my blog posts be without mentioning vulnerability?).  Leaving was so difficult because of how deeply I cared about the people I was leaving behind.  This summer I opened myself up and made myself more emotionally available than any other time in my life.  Because of that I felt like I was able to feel happiness greater than ever before, yet on the other hand, it made it hurt that much more when I had to say goodbye.  Brene Brown teaches that the risk of letting "ourselves become vulnerably seen", as she puts it, is that while we open ourselves up to experience real feelings of joy, we are also in danger of feeling real pain.  I experienced that, and it did hurt.  Yet in the process I realized that feeling is in no way a negative experience.  It only meant that I was alive.  It meant that I could feel.  It meant that I was capable of loving and being loved in return.  It meant that I had lived and given all of myself, and although it hurt in the end, I was better for it.  That's what being human is all about!  We're here on earth to build relationships and have real, deep connections with people, connections that only come about when we really invest all of ourselves.  That's one of the most, if not the most, important parts of the human experience, yet we're all so scared to do it because we're scared of "getting hurt", and because of that fear we hold back. We only invest a part of ourselves.  We risk no more than what is comfortable.  In the end, we might not feel as much pain.  But living that way will never bring us real happiness. The only path to true joy is the one marked by the risk of hurt.

If there was one who walked that kind of path and who epitomized vulnerability, it was Christ.  He literally gave all of Himself on our behalf without any guarantee of reciprocation. In fact, He even knew that many people for whom He would suffer would reject Him.  Yet He went through with it anyway.  He didn't stop to count the cost or ask who would love Him in return. Christ's Atonement was the most vulnerable act in all of human history.  I believe that one of the reasons Christ is able to love so purely and feel so deeply for us is precisely because of that vulnerability.  Investing so much of Himself in us exposes Him to great pain, like the kind we read about in Moses 7, where the Lord "looked upon the residue of the people, and He wept" because of their wickedness.  Yet, at the same time, that vulnerability also allows Him to feel great, indescribable joy - the kind which we read about in 3 Nephi 17, where, due to the faith of the people, the Savior weeps because his "joy [was] full."  If we are to be Christlike, we must learn to become as vulnerable as He did.  We must learn to give ourselves to others, to love like crazy without guarantees, and even to cry when we are let down.  We shouldn't run from those feelings and try to avoid them, for they are the very emotions to which we should aspire, and that are most reminiscent of Christ.

So as I say farewell to Utah, I do so with mixed feelings.  I am sad to leave behind people I care about, yet I am thankful that I feel for them so much I cry.  I feel grateful for the chances I've had to learn to love, and to receive love.  I'm thankful I was able to experience humanity.  I'm appreciative to all of the people who made Utah what it was to me.  It's really to them, and not to Utah, that I say goodbye.  So instead of "So long, Utah", what I'm really saying is, "Take luck Jim."  "God speed Bones."  "See you later Brian."  "Bye Em.  I miss you."  And it's those kinds of people to whom I'll raise my glass in farewell.

      

My Near Disaster with the CPAs

As many of you know, a large portion of my summer has been dedicated to taking the CPA exams.  Three down, one to go, and I can't wait to be done with them. However, getting the third test out of the way proved to be much more stressful and nerve-racking than it should have been.  Allow me to explain.

I scheduled my third test to be taken in California at the end of August.  I arrived in California late on Sunday, and my test was scheduled for Thursday.  I put in the hours of study I felt I needed the next three days, and when Wednesday night rolled around I took some time to get everything ready for my exam the next morning. During that process I remembered the strict identification requirements the CPA testing centers have.  They require either a) a current driver's license, or b) a current passport.  You might be thinking, "That's no problem.  You drove from Utah to California.  Surely you have a driver's license."  You would be right.  However, that license had been expired for more than a month, and who brings their passport when they visit home for a weekend?  So it was that Wednesday night I realized that I most likely would not be able to take my test.  

This is why that realization was so traumatic to me:

1) First, it’s important to understand how the CPA examination process works.  Every third month is an off-month, which means that no tests can be taken.  September happened to be an off-month, meaning that if I didn’t get my test taken in August, I’d have to wait until at least October.  However, my fourth test was scheduled for October, which meant that, realistically, I’d have to wait until November to take my missed test.  At that point I would have started work, and one of the worst scenarios I can imagine is doing accounting all day only to come home and study more accounting.  I wanted to avoid the work/study combination at all costs.  

2) I had spent the entire month of August studying for this specific exam.  Three hours a day, six days a week equals roughly 72 hours of studying – all of that would be thrown out the window.  The nature of the CPA exam is to study, learn, and then forget as quickly as possible.  There wouldn’t be a chance remembering anything I had learned two months down the road, especially when the subject is Auditing.

RIP Mom's vacuum and calculator I'd had for four years.

Thus I found myself in quite the conundrum.  I still had a last-minute solution I thought might save me.  My brother could photocopy my passport, send it to me and I could use that.  A call to the CPA examination center Thursday morning made it clear that wasn’t an option.  It was at this point that the expletives came out in full force and things were thrown and, in some cases, broken.

My mother then wondered if we could call my brother and fly him in from Utah with my passport. That was a very drastic measure, and I didn't want to reach that point until I tried my second brilliant solution, which was calling the DMV and seeing if I could renew my license in the three hours I had before my test.  I told my mom, who had the ticket pulled up and ready to be purchased, to wait until I finished talking to the DMV.  As you can guess, that wasn't an option either, because they ALSO need more identification that just an expired driver's license.  

The final solution was to buy my brother Brian a plane ticket and fly him out to California.  But Thursday was a day that just kept on giving: from the time my mother suggested buying a plane ticket to the time I got off the phone with the DMV (a period of about 15 minutes), the price of the round-trip plane ticket had jumped from around $300 to $500.  My 15 minute phone call cost me $200.

But at least it looked like I was going to be able to take my test.  Brian's flight was scheduled to land at 12:09.  My test was at 12:30.  Luckily, they give you a 30 minute window in which to arrive, so I had until 1:00.  The plane landed at 12:16, but of course there was traffic at the "arrivals" section of the airport.  Three lanes had conveniently been cut down to one.  When I finally got the pick-up zone, Brian informed me that he was actually upstairs at the "departures" section of the airport (where there was no traffic).  However, he ended up getting downstairs quickly, and I got my passport and headed off to take my test.  At 12:53 I walked into the testing center, seven minutes until my window would have closed.  I was able to take my test, so I guess all is well that ends well.

It was a crazy 24 hours that took another 24 to recover from, but there are lessons to be learned from this experience:

1. Don't ever let your driver's license expire.  
Trust me.

2. There are people who love you and care about you.
I was an absolute pain to deal with Wednesday night and Thursday morning.  But my mom stuck with me through it all, she laughed and rolled her eyes at how angry I was getting, and she helped me resolve my dilemma.  She did all that even when I broke her trusted vacuum.  She's a saint.  And then my brother, with absolutely no notice, dropped all he had on his schedule for two days to help me out when I needed it.  In both cases, what was important to me (taking my test) was important to them because they love me.  It's been said that a thousand words will not leave so deep an impression as one deed, and in this case their two deeds left a greater impression on me than thousands of words would have.  In tough times, there are always people, whether we believe it or not, who love us enough to help.  

3. Don't just endure - endure well. 
When the test had been taken and life continued on as it had, I looked back at the experience and asked why it couldn't have happened differently.  Why couldn't I have remembered my passport?  Why couldn't the plane ticket have stayed the same price?  Why did there have to be traffic at the airport?  It seemed that there was one hiccup after another, and it seemed like God was kind of piling it on.  The end result would have been the same with or without all the bumps in the road: I would have taken my test.  So why did I have to go through all the frustration and stress? I understood it was a life test (not a CPA one), and there were things I had to learn and experience I had to gain.  I then asked myself if I had passed the test (once again, not the CPA one) that had been placed before me.  The fact that I had made it to the testing center and had taken my CPA test was no indication of passing this other test.  What came to mind was something Henry B. Eyring said of the these kinds of difficulties we encounter:

"The test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty.  It is to see if we can endure it well."

I had endured the difficulty.  Things had been thrown my way, but I took my test in the end.  But I don't think I endured the difficulty all that well.  I lost my temper, was quick to anger, and cursed more than I have in a while (and if you've known me for some time, you know it must have been a lot).  Hopefully I've learned enough so that the next time frustrations come I can be more patient and have more faith.

4. Everything works out.
In the moment of our disappointments and trials, we may think they are too great and even impossible to overcome.  But things have a way of working out.  I love this quote by the late Gordon B. Hinckley:

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is.  It all works out.  Don't worry.  I say that to myself every morning.  It will all work out.  Put your trust in God, and move forward in faith and confidence in the future.  The Lord will not forsake us.  He will never forsake us.  If we put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers."

Although it's easier said than done, we must come to believe that our adversity will be but a small moment, and that things get better.  When I think of the things I struggle with and the disappointments I experience, I sometimes recall a certain man in John 5, who "had an infirmity thirty and eight years."  Thirty eight years. Can you believe that?  We get upset if our internet is down for thirty eight minutes or if our commute is longer than thirty eight miles.  If there was ever a man who had reason to lose faith, it might have been that guy.  Yet he had enough faith that Christ could heal him.  I think of him and I realize that there will be things in my life that aren't solved as quickly as I'd like, and there may be things that I have to go through and deal with for a long time.  The important thing is that we never lose faith, no matter how bad it seems at the moment.  Dieter Uchtdorf taught this when he said:

"No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations ... And to all who suffer, to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely, I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in.  Never surrender.  Never allow your despair to overcome your spirit."

It's a beautiful doctrine that the Atonement of Jesus Christ will set everything right. All the seeming injustices that we experience will be made right.  We will understand the answers to all the times we questioned God and asked "Why?".  The Atonement will reconcile it all: from our sins to our disappointments to our griefs. It will be alright in the end.  Remember the words of Corrie Ten Boom: "No pit is so deep that He is not deeper still."

The scores of messages and quotes that could be posted about this subject are too many, so I will end my writing here.  But consider the following media/quotes as an appendix to this post, with some of my favorite related messages.

Good Things to Come: My favorite Mormon Message, by Jeffrey R. Holland

Joel Burns: It Gets Better - I recently came across this and was very moved by his speech.  Joel Burns is a homosexual politician in Texas, and he gave this speech directed toward lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth, encouraging them to hold on and that life gets better.  It was something he learned from his own experience.

Brad Paisley: Letter to Me - One of my favorite songs with a great message.

Some of my favorite quotes on the subject:

From Jeffrey R. Holland: "Some of you may wonder: Is there any future for me?  What does a new year or a new semester, a new major or a new romance, a new job or a new home hold for me?  Will I be safe? Will life be sound?  Can I trust in the Lord and in the future?  Or would it be better to go back, to stay in the past?  To all such of every generation, I call out, 'Remember Lot's wife.'  Faith is for the future. Faith builds upon the past but never longs to stay there.  Faith trusts that God has great things in store for each of us and that Christ truly is the 'high priest of good things to come'.  Keep your eyes on your dream, however distant and far away.  Live to see the miracles of repentance and forgiveness, of trust and divine love that will transform your life today, tomorrow, and forever."

From David A. Bednar: "The Savior has suffered not just for our iniquities but also for the inequality, the unfairness, the pain, the anguish, and the emotional distresses that so frequently beset us. There is no physical pain, no anguish of soul, no suffering of spirit, no infirmity or weakness that you or I ever experience during our mortal journey that the Savior did not experience first.  You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, 'No one understands.  No one knows.'  No human being, perhaps, knows.  But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He felt and bore our burdens before we ever did.  And because He paid the ultimate price and bore that burden, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy in so many phases of our life.  He can reach out, touch, succor - literally run to us - and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do through relying only upon our own power."

From Thomas S. Monson: "I testify to you that our promised blessings are beyond measure. Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments.  There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us.  My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not.  Be of good cheer.  The future is as bright as your faith."

 

 

Dear Craig ... My Response to My Last Post

My last post consisted of my thoughts about career and what I really want to do with my life.  As I've thought about that more and more, it has led me to further pondering about life and what matters, and I now share with you my own response to my last post.

Google image search results: Dad is #1.  I'm #63.  Thanks mormon.org

Dear Craig,

I agree with what you wrote, but perhaps you wrote it without taking the time to fully explore the subject at hand. Fortunately, you have a dad who is very smart (and also quite famous - google "Swindlehurst" and see who comes up first) and who presented a different viewpoint.  His perspective was this: "instead of wandering around 'finding what you love,' learn how to love what you find."  I think he makes a good point, and what I believe falls somewhere in between what he wrote and what you wrote. There are certain things you might never develop a passion for, no matter how long you do them.  At the same time, your love for something will develop as you do it. So there's a balance between seeking out your passion and learning to love whatever you decide to do.

Anyway, that's not what I want to talk about, but doesn't it make you think? Perhaps your focus hasn't been where it should be.  Here's the thing: you'll eventually find the right career, whether it's accounting or not.  You'll learn to love it and you'll be fine.  There's no need to devote an excessive amount of time worrying about that. In the eternal scheme of things, what your career ends up being is about as important as who wins the next season of the Bachelor.  In other words, kind of important, but not eternally important.  Here's some food for thought from Malcom Muggeridge:

"Now the prospect of death overshadows all others.  I am like a man on a sea voyage nearing his destination.  When I embarked I worried about having a cabin with a porthole, and whether I should be asked to sit at the captain's table, who were the more attractive and important passengers.  All such considerations become pointless, because now I shall soon be disembarking."     

During this voyage through life, you may begin to believe that certain things matter; things like the amount of money you earn, the accolades you receive, or yes, even what you do for a living.  But the reality is that none of those things mean anything in the long run.  One day you will die, and all those considerations will become, as Malcom Muggeridge says, pointless.

You shared this video on your blog before, but perhaps you didn't internalize the message, so I think it's worth sharing again.  Remember Ric Elias, who was on Flight 1549 that crash-landed into the Hudson River in New York in 2009?  He literally thought he was going to die, and faced with death, came to realize what was really important.  

If you don't want to spend five minutes watching the video, perhaps this scripture can give you an idea of what is significant.  It's in James 1:27:

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."

You've read this scripture many times before, but hopefully this time it will stand out to you.  When you read it, doesn't it scream at you that NOTHING else matters in life except serving others and being kind to them?  That thought seems so absolute, but it's true.  That's what pure religion is.  That is what God would have you do, and that is how He would have you worship Him.  He wants you to love, serve, help, and be kind to His children.  Can you think of a single thing with real import that doesn't have to do with that?  I didn't think so. That's the whole reason you're here.  Alexander Pine said: "What we do for ourselves dies with us.  What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal."  So go ahead, go to the gym one more time so you can beat your girlfriend's little brother in an arm wrestle.  Go running to cut a minute off your marathon pace.  Study more to score five percent higher on that exam.  Work longer to make a thousand more dollars.  Or ten thousand.  Or a hundred thousand.  All of that will die with you.  But the kindness you show others, and the service you render can and will never fade.  It will last through the eternities.  I'm not saying you shouldn't do any of those things.  They're great things.  You shouldn't feel ashamed when you do take the time to do them, or when you take the time to worry about your future career.  I'm just saying that they shouldn't come at the expense of those around you, and that perhaps you should shift your focus in life outward, to other people.  You've read some G. K. Chesterton recently, haven't you?  He said this:

"How much larger your life would be if you could become smaller in it ... you would begin to be interested in others.  You would break out of this tiny ... theater in which your own little plot is always being played, and you would find yourself under a freer sky, in a street  full of splendid strangers."

To close, I'll share a great quote from one of your favorite books: Quiet Strength. It's the autobiography of Tony Dungy, former head coach in the NFL (who now has numerous books and his own website).  He was a very successful coach, winning the Super Bowl in 2006.  But despite all of his worldly success, he stayed grounded in what mattered most and was a great example of living a Christian life.  In his book, he has this to say about priorities and what's important in life:

"The competing vies of success in our world often create an interesting tension.  Society tends to define success in terms of accomplishments and awards, material possession, and profit margins.  In the football business, winning is the only thing that matters.  God's Word, however, presents a different definition of success - one centered on a relationship with Jesus Christ and a love for God that allows us to love and serve others.  God gives each one of us unique gifts, abilities, and passions.  How well we use those qualities to have an impact on the world around us determines how 'successful' we really are.  If we get caught up in chasing what the world defines as success, we can use our time and talent to do some great things.  We might even become famous.  But in the end, what will it mean?  What will people remember us for?  Are other people's lives better because we lived?  Did we make a difference?  Did we use to the fullest the gifts and abilities God gave us?  Did we give our best effort, and did we do it for the right reasons?  God's definition of success is really one of significance - the significant difference our lives can make in the lives of others.  This significance doesn't show up in the win-loss records, long resumes, or the trophies gathering dust on our mantels.  It's found in the hearts and lives of those we've come across who are in some way better because of the way we lived."

Just to drive home the point, this is how Clayton Christensen, successful businessman and Harvard professor, finished his famous talk How Will You Measure Your Life:

"This past year I was diagnosed with cancer and I faced the possibility that my life would end sooner than I'd planned.  Thankfully, it now looks as if I'll be spared.  But the experience has given me important insight into my life.  I have a pretty clear idea of how my ideas have generated enormous revenue for companies that have used my research; I know I've had a substantial impact.  But as I've confronted this disease, it's been interesting to see how unimportant that impact is to me now.  I've concluded that the metric by which God will assess my life isn't dollars but the individual people whose lives I've touched.  I think that's the way it will work for us all.  Don't worry about the level of individual prominence you have achieved; worry about the individuals you have helped become better people."

Do you see the pattern here?  From Ric Elias to James to Tony Dungy to Clayton Christensen, the message is the same: what matters is the service and love you show other people.  Yes, part of you should still be concerned about your career, as each of us, to an extent, should.  But what's truly important and what you must center your life around is the positive influence you can have on the lives of others.

Anyway, this is stuff you already know and that you accept as true.  But as has been said, people need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed.  Don't worry, I still love you and I still think you're sexy.  

Sincerely, 

Yourself

My Thoughts on Career: Find What You Love

Without the Bachelorette, some of you may wonder what on earth I could possibly write about.  Contrary to what you may believe, I have more thoughts swirling in my head beyond reality TV.  I now present one of those thoughts.

When you have an accounting career looming ahead of you and when you're dedicating a substantial number of hours studying for CPA tests that teach you material you're sure to forget, it's easy to ask yourself if you're doing what you really want to do and should do.  This is where I currently find myself.

I graduated from BYU's accounting program last April, and in October I will fulfill the destiny and dream of the accounting student by joining one of the Big 4 accounting firms, Deloitte.  While I realize that I am fortunate to have gone through such a great program and have a good job ahead of me, I, like many accountants I'm sure, question my decision to enter this profession and wonder how I ever made the decision in the first place.

On that note, I really don't remember how I decided to study accounting. Remember those career tests you take in elementary school that are supposed to tell you what occupation fits you?  When it was time to decide to apply for the accounting program, my mom told me about some of those early tests she stumbled upon, and sure enough they all told me I should be an accountant.  I believed that was surely a sign from the heavens above, and I entered the accounting program never to look back.  Until now.

Don't get me wrong, for all I know I may love my career in accounting and perhaps it will ultimately bring me great joy.  If that is the case, this post has no meaning to me, for I am already living my dreams.  But if not, I feel like this is a problem.  One of my fears is to forever be haunted by this quote from Steve Jobs:

"For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?'  And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something ... almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.  Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose."

Due to my impending start date at Deloitte, this quote and similar thoughts have weighed heavily on my mind.  So what's my point in writing about all of this?  I guess my point is to encourage everyone to study or do what they love, and not what's practical.  I chose practicality over passion.  Accounting is a very sensible and secure profession.  Seeing as how I believe myself to be quite risk averse, this career path made a lot of sense.  But life isn't about avoiding risks.  This is from Machiavelli's work, The Prince:

"All courses of action are risky, so prudence is not in avoiding danger (it's impossible), but calculating risk and acting decisively.  Make mistakes of ambition and not mistakes of sloth.  Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer."

Every decision is risky, even the decision to become an accountant.  The risk isn't that I won't have enough money to live a comfortable lifestyle, it's that I won't do what I love and that I won't be happy.  And as I think bout that, I realize that may be the more dangerous risk to take, but people often don't see it that way.  They, like me, choose unhappiness over uncertainty.  They develop the strength to suffer, and not the strength to do bold things.

So we see that one of the challenges of life is to have the courage to pursue our dreams, no matter how unlikely they may seem or how difficult they are to achieve.  A book that everyone should read is The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho (the introduction to the book is incredible).  Admittedly, it's a strange book, but it has this same message that I'm trying to convey: follow your dreams.  That's a really cliche phrase, and I believe a lot of us dismiss it in the name of common sense.  But what we tell ourselves is common sense and practicality is often the fear of failure, and according to The Alchemist, that is the one thing that makes our dreams impossible to achieve.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.  So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore.  Dream.  Discover."

I haven't been the best at following this advice, and I regret it.  I wish I would have spent more time discovering what I love, so I could determine what I should have studied, and what I should do with my life.  I wish I'd sailed away from the safe harbor and caught the trade winds in my sails more often.  But it's better to discover this sooner rather than later.  So find out what you love, be who you are, and remember that it is the possibility of having your dreams come true that makes life interesting.

PS. If you want to have a career in the arts, then this commencement speech by Neil Gaiman is an absolute must-listen.

Here's to Good Friends

Before I get into what I really want to talk about, I have some thoughts about this week's Bachelorette's episode, like always.

Thought #1: Something was different about Emily ...
Anybody want to guess what I'm referring to?  For all the crap about Emily wanting to be a good role model for her daughter, she sure has no problem showing off her boob job to the world.  No way that wasn't a brand new chest.  Everyone loves Emily, but the author is not a big fan.

Thought #2: Love me some Ryan

Yes, Ryan is a chauvinistic pig, but at least he knows it and can have fun with it.  A theme of recent Men/Women Tell All episodes has been the redemption of one of the season's villains.  It worked for Michelle Money two seasons ago, didn't work for Courtney last season, and I think it worked for Ryan here.  He can laugh at how stupid he is and I think that's cool.  That's unlike Chris who is a complete idiot but doesn't know it.  Speaking of which ...

Thought #3: Chris is a complete idiot

"I'm talking right now!!!"

One of my favorite moments of the show (besides when Chris yelled "I'm talking right now!") was right after Sean finished talking about how his heartbreak ended up helping him and opening his eyes (more on this later).  Chris then literally repeated the exact words Sean had just spoken and talked how he also benefited and how he, too, had his eyes opened.  I think Chris was a little upset that his heartbreak wasn't getting the same attention as Sean's, and he wanted all of us to know that he mattered.  He's a man too!!!

Thought #4: Sean
I still love Sean.  You may or may not have read my last blog post about Sean.  I won't go over anything I posted there, but I think my assessment of Sean's situation was pretty accurate.  Anyway, if he's the next bachelor, I'm totally okay with that, even though that probably places me in the minority.  Nonetheless, I'm pulling for it.

Look how sexy he is.

Moving on, I spent this last weekend in California with my best friends who I've known since Junior High.  In 2002, we dubbed ourselves the Brotherhood and now, years later, we had our 10 year reunion, and what a success it was.  All we were missing was our good friends Matthew and Brianna Reynolds, who couldn't come due to a commitment Matt had to the Carolina Panthers.  I love my friends and am amazed that no matter how long it's been since we've seen each other, nothing changes between us.  I hadn't seen Jon Randall since last August, and being with him again was totally normal.  It was as if we had been hanging out together all summer.  I have been blessed beyond measure with amazing friends and consider my relationships with them one of my most cherished possessions.

Classic.

Most likely the largest Brotherhood gathering ever.

One of my favorite quotes is by the great C.S. Lewis

"In friendship we think we have chosen our peers.  In reality, a few years difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choices of one university instead of another, the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting - any of these chances might have kept us apart.  But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, not chances.  A secret Master of Ceremonies has been at work.  Christ, who said to the disciples, 'Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,' can truly say to every group of Christian friends, 'You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for one another.'  Friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out.  It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of others."

Like C.S. Lewis says, when you believe in God, you believe that everything happens for a reason and that there are no coincidences when it comes to the people that come into your life.  There are reasons we have the friends we have.  Those reasons may not always be clear, but for me, I know that I would not be where I am today and I would not arrive where I want to go without the influence of the Brotherhood and other great friends.  I believe they were placed in my life for a reason.  All I can do is give thanks everyday for having people in my life like them who care about me and love me unconditionally.  Outside of my family, they are people to whom I could tell anything without any fear of being judged.

I'll share one more quote, from Timothy Ferriss*.  He quoted a study from some guys named Daniel Gilbert and Martin Seligman from Harvard and Princeton, respectively, who made an interesting observation about happiness:

"Mealtime with friends and loved ones is a direct predictor of happiness.  Have at least one 2-3 hour dinner and/or drinks per week - yes, 2-3 hours - with those who make you smile and feel good.  I find the afterglow effect to be the greatest and longest with groups of 5 or more."

 I thought this finding was worthy of note.  I've thought of all the times I've done this and left feeling incredibly content and uplifted.  We're all busy, but I don't think that we'll ever regret investing more of our time in people we love.  While this post is about friends in particular, it can apply to family, extended family, and anyone else we care about.  So whether it's getting together for Sunday dinner at your family's house or going out Thursday nights with your friends, this is one investment we can and should make on a regular basis.

On that note, take five minutes sometime to watch this Ted Talk by Ric Elias, who had a front-row seat on Flight 1549, the plane that crash-landed in the Hudson River in New York in January in 2009.  It's a beautiful message.

The Bachelorette - What We Can Learn

This week's episode might be a turning point in the Bachelor/Bachelorette series. In the future we might remember this week as the week the show turned chaste.  I give props to Emily for denying all the men the chance to "spend more time" with her so they could "talk" together throughout the night.  Let's recap this week's episode and see what the Bachelorette can teach us about life and relationships.

Sean

I really feel for Sean this week, and that's not just because he was my favorite.  For how good a guy he was, I'm surprised at how few people share my love for him. Sean may not have been as charismatic as Jef or as smooth as Arie, but I still stand by my opinion that he was the best man of them all.  I'll admit that he was occasionally awkward and it felt somewhat unnatural when he tried to express his feelings, but I don't believe that was a result of him not being genuine.  I believe Sean is extremely authentic and is a man of no guile.  I believe his claims that what you see with him is what you get.  Unfortunately he just wasn't as charming and suave as the others.  

I believe that before Emily came along, Sean had never fully given his heart to someone.  He hasn't been in many relationships, and although he dated a girl for three years, it sounded like she was much more invested than he was - he loved her but he was not in love, as he said.  Sean has always been the one in the driver's seat.  Has he ever put himself at risk in a relationship?  Has he ever devoted himself to someone without any guarantee of being loved back?  Until Emily, I would answer no to both questions.  This was Sean's first experience of becoming vulnerable enough to give himself completely to someone and what happened?  His heart was broken.  Therein lies the risk that accompanies vulnerability and real commitment.  Sean put himself in a place where he could be hurt because of how much he had invested in Emily.  But at the same time, he also put himself in a place where he could feel more joy than he ever had before.  When we make the decision to totally commit ourselves to someone, we open ourselves up and are able to feel deeper and more real emotions.  But until we make that decision to go all in, the happiness we can feel in our relationship is limited.  Sean's first experience with true vulnerability in a relationship brought him great joy, but also left him devastated.  So what will he do now?  Will he become ever more closed off than before because of how much he was hurt?  Here's to hoping that through this experience, Sean has learned that the only way to experience real emotion in a relationship is by truly investing yourself, even if it does leave you susceptible to heartbreak.  And here's to hoping that he'll be able to make that kind of commitment again.

Arie

For everyone's viewing pleasure, I present once again Arie with long hair. I can't stop posting this picture because no one has ever looked so stupid.  Arie was one of my favorites early on, but I have lost my love for him.  I don't see enough from Arie, and like I've said before, all he and Emily do is make out.  I believe a total of seven words were spoken between them before they were on the deck of the yacht going at it.  That's all they do and Emily knows it.  That's why she had to ask what it is Arie does on a typical day.  Can you believe that they're on their second-to-last date before engagement and Emily doesn't even know what Arie does in his everyday life!?  Only on the Bachelorette could this happen. Furthermore, I can't picture them together on a day-to-day basis going through the mundane tasks of life.  It's difficult to see them hanging around the house with Ricki living the boring married life.  

If Emily is just now finding out about what Arie does and who he is, why has she kept him around so long?  Because she loves kissing him and he's attractive (now that his hair is short).  That's not much of a foundation for a couple that could potentially be engaged in two weeks time.  This is most likely due to the nature of the show, but they haven't had the time to discover what they should love about each other and what qualities each of them have that will keep them together in the long-run.  Their relationship is based mostly off of physical attractiveness, and so the highlight of their relationship was their first kiss and it hasn't gotten any better since.  If Emily and Arie are going to work, they have to begin to discover the traits and qualities each possess that matter and that will get better over time.  The quality they're investing in right now has a short shelf life, and when it's gone, on what foundation will they be able to stand?  

Jef

"Don't they look great together?

"When we were on the ferris wheel in London I never wanted to come down and when we were on the floor in Prague I never wanted to get up."

That was a great line from Jef.  I am continually impressed by him, and anyone who doubts that he's in the driver's seat right now is fooling themselves.  Arie needs to be taking some notes.  Jef's asking all the right questions, saying all the right things, and denying her the fantasy suite.  Suck on that, Emily!  That was a great move and I'm surprised no one else did the same (even though Arie didn't have a chance, there's no way he would have said no to the fantasy suite - he was built for that).  As opposed to Arie, I can picture Jef living the day-to-day life with Emily. For some reason it's so much more natural to picture them as a married couple, going through life with Emily's horde of kids she wants.  

Despite how well Jef is doing, I can't help but get the feeling that he's not as genuine as he seems and that he's very skilled at winning people over and making them believe he's a certain way.  At the same time, I realize that my opinion is biased because here in Utah Valley we hear rumors and stories from people who "knew" Jef or who "dated" him and who say that he's trouble.  However, in the end I can only judge Jef from what I've seen on the show, and what I've seen so far makes me think he's a good guy.  I have no right to judge the man because of the gossip I've heard, right?  So Jef, I'm sorry I've been judging you.  You don't deserve that. Go.  Take Emily's hand and lead her to salvation.  

Conclusion

As vain and shallow as the Bachelorette is, there are things we can learn from it and things we can decide to do in our lives because of what we have learned.

(1) We can decide to not judge others, but give everyone the benefit of the doubt.  Everyone has a good side, and if that's what we focus on that's what we'll see.  A wise man named Gordon B. Hinckley once said:

"When we look for the worst in anyone, we will find it.  But if we will concentrate on the best, that element will grow until it sparkles."

(2) In our relationships, we can decide to find and focus on the qualities that really matter.  We can choose to look on the heart, rather than on the outward appearance (1 Samuel 16:7).  It is those qualities that will matter in the long run.  

(3) And finally, we can decide to truly invest ourselves in our relationships.  We can take the emotional risk that is commitment and decide to love with all we are.  It can be a little scary and for some it can be downright terrifying.  But if we ever want to reach any level of deep intimacy, it's a step we all must take.  

Life is Too Short to be Busy

Before I get into this week’s real topic of conversation, I have to pick up where I left off last week and write about the greatest and most ridiculous show on television, the Bachelorette.  My apologies that this post comes but two days before the next episode. 

The Bachelorette

(1) Chris.   Is a complete idiot.  This is courtesy of Grantland.com*:

“In the ‘Producer Interviews You and Tries to Make You Cry’ limo ride, [Chris] dropped a classic on us: ‘I’m 10 times the man than bleeping all those dudes are there!’  Chris, after reviewing footage of you attempting to use a bow and arrow … I disagree.”

*Quick plug for Grantland.com – This is an affiliate site with ESPN.com run by ESPN writer Bill Simmons.  It’s a great mix of pop culture and sports, and since I enjoy both, I make Grantland.com one of the websites I check daily. 

(2) Jef.  Right now he is leading the pack.  That letter he wrote put him in first place and made Emily swoon.  I loved the obviously dubbed-over line when Jef was talking about his parents: “My parents, they are in South Carolina doing charity work.”  What was it that was so controversial that they had to insert “doing charity work”? 

“My parents, they are in South Carolina (1) serving as missionaries,  (2) thrusting in their sickle with their might ,  (3) pruning the Lord’s vineyard, (4) due to a call from the current Prophet of God, Thomas S. Monson, (5) preparing the way for the Second Coming.  And I could go on.  While all those are true statements, I must refrain due to my strong tendency to commit blasphemy and speak sacrilege. 

(3) Sean.  I am not ashamed to admit that Sean is my favorite on the show, even though he is a more bland than Jef and Arie.  He is the most upright, moral, and manly of the remaining three, but he lacks the edge that Arie and Jef have.  I’m not sure I even know what that means, but he’s missing something.  The chemistry between Sean and Emily just isn’t what it should be.  And there were a couple of moments when he slipped his tongue inside Emily’s mouth that were pretty painful.  Furthermore, Sean’s practical jokes didn’t go over that well with Emily.  I loved the idea of pretending he lived at home, but as funny as the idea was, it just didn’t pan out.  Emily didn’t laugh very much, and Sean’s admittance that, yes, it was a joke, was poor.  His delivery was bad.  We haven’t really seen a funny, joking side to Sean yet, so perhaps that attributed to how bad the joke played out. 

But besides all of that, I believe that a Sean/Emily combination would be the combination that would have the greatest chance of staying together.  Unfortunately, when was the last time the Bachelor/Bachelorette chose the person that was best for him/her?  Ben and Courtney?  Jake and Vienna?  Brad and Emily?  We all thought Allie/Roberto was a good match and now he’s the next Bachelor.  In the words of Arie’s mom: “Normally when you are the one proposing, you are not being the Bachelor, so I am kind of surprised to see you there.”  I’ll admit that Ashley and JP are going strong, but they are definitely the exception and not the rule.  So mark my words when I say that Emily will not choose Sean, and it won’t work out with whoever else she chooses.

(4) Arie.  I don’t have a lot to say about Arie.  If you weren’t able to catch the picture of him with the long hair, I've been kind enough to provide you with this picture.  It makes you see him in a different way.  If Arie wants to regain the lead from Jef, I think it’s time he does something special for Emily.  Up until this point Arie has relied on (1) the fact that his and Emily’s relationship was stronger than everyone else’s, and (2) his passionate kissing.  Jef and Sean have finally caught up to him, and Jef took the lead with the puppets and then furthered his lead with the letter.  Arie needs to do something like that.  If he could have beat Jef to the sappy love letter, he’d be cruising.  But alas, he now finds himself in the position no one wants to be in: the early front-runner who never took the next step because they were so confident in what they thought was the best relationship (think Kaci from Ben’s season).  He’s in a dangerous spot right now, and although I think he’ll make it to the finale, he’s got to do something pretty great this week to have a chance at beating Jef. 

(5) The Fantasy Bachelorette.  My team is amazing.  

(6) Burning Love.  On a semi-related note, anyone who watches the Bachelor/Bachelorette series should check out “Burning Love”.  Ben Stiller has made a great web series spoofing my favorite television show.  I’ve watched all 11 episodes so far and I can hardly wait for the next ones (they come out every Monday and Thursday).  Each episode is only about 8-10 minutes, which makes it really easy to justify watching “one more.” 

The “Busy” Trap

It is now time to move on to a more serious and practical discussion.  Every time I write about something as trivial and as stupid as the Bachelorette, I feel I need to write about something that has meaning in order to compensate for any brain cells I might have lost while focusing my mind on the ridiculous topic that is the Bachelorette.  In that Spirit, I’d like to share a great article I read by author/New York Times writer Tim Kreider called The “Busy” Trap.  If you'd like to read the full article, click here.  

There are three main ideas that I want to talk about in relation to this article:

                (1) Why people want to be busy

“They’re busy because of their own ambition or drive or anxiety, because they’re addicted to busyness and dread what they might have to face in its absence.  …  They feel anxious or guilty when they aren’t either working or doing something to promote their work. …  Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day.”

The author’s explanation about why we desire so much to be busy is spot-on.  For some reason, we feel validated and of worth when we are busy and when we are being “productive.”  Society tells us that if we are taking a break and being idle that we are being unproductive and that we should feel guilty.  I have been a victim of these feelings and still am, although I am trying to improve and embrace time away from being busy.  That can be hard when one has been conditioned his or her entire life to avoid idleness at all cost. 

                (2) The importance of idleness

I already told you that I had a tendency to speak blasphemies every so often, so saying that idleness is important should only add fuel to that flame.  I imagine you could quote to me ten or fifteen scriptures that say things like “thou shalt not be idle” or “refrain from idleness”, and I would say that there is truth to those statements.  Too much idleness is a bad thing, but it’s true that too much of anything is a bad thing, and that includes busyness and having too many things to do.  While the scriptures teach that we should not be idle, they also teach that Jesus often “withdrew himself into the wilderness” (Luke 5:16) to get away from the pressures of His ministry and to spend time being, in a sense, idle. 

“Idleness is not just a vacation, and indulgence or a vice; it is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets.  The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration – it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done.”

So don’t feel bad about being “idle.”  Realize that it’s lot more important than one more class, one more client, one more workout, or one more chore. 

                (3) Life is too short to be busy

                This is my favorite quote from the article:

“I did make a conscious decision, a long time ago, to choose time over money, since I’ve always understood that the best investment of my limited time on earth was to spend it with people I love.  I suppose it’s possible I’ll lie on my deathbed regretting that I didn’t work harder and say everything I had to say, but I think what I’ll really wish is that I could have one more beer with Chris, another long talk with Megan, and one last good hard laugh with Boyd.  Life is too short to be busy.”           

               

It all comes down to what we value in life.  “For where you treasure is, there will your heart be also” (Matthew 6:21).  If we amass too many treasures on earth and not enough in heaven, there will come a day that we wish we could do it over again.  On the flip side, we will never regret having too many treasures in heaven.  Treasures in heaven begin and end with relationships, and I think that’s the final point the author is trying to make.  So perhaps the next time you think you should choose work over family or school over friends, remember that there is a time and place for being idle, for letting go of busyness, and for embracing and enjoying what really matters in life, and that time is always.